Foghorn Leghorn

            On Sunday morning I worked on memorizing the last verse of "C'est comment qu'on freine" (That's How You Slam On the Brakes) by Serge Gainsbourg but I wasn't quite able to nail it down. I should have it in my head tomorrow. 

            I weighed 86.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            Around midday, I cleaned the outside of one of my big kitchen windows. I had expected it to be dangerous but I realized that that window is not as high as the eastern window and so I could safely put a pillow on the ledge and lie back on it to reach up with my squeegee. Although it was safe it was very uncomfortable and so from time to time, I had to go back inside and stand up to relieve my back. I didn't get it perfectly clean but to do that I would really need a ladder so I could do it from the outside. I started cleaning the very dirty grooves where the lower windows slide. I'll finish that tomorrow. I left the sliding windows out so I could clean them tomorrow after the grooves are washed and then put them back in. Maybe I'll have time tomorrow to clean the outside of the other southern window. If not I'll do it on Tuesday. 

            When I was dumping the dirty water from the bucket into the toilet, I forgot that the washcloth was in the pale and ended up flushing it. I don't think I've ever done that before. I'm lucky that it didn't plug the toilet. It slid down the pipes like an oyster down a throat. I've only got two washcloths left now. 

            I weighed 86.1 kilos before lunch. I had five-year-old cheddar on a slice of Bavarian sandwich bread and a glass of lemonade. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride and when I got back I chatted for a while with my neighbour Benji. He thinks the Popeyes downstairs is a failing business and will close soon. They seem pretty popular to me. I was surprised when he told me that their rent is $18000 a month. No wonder our landlord doesn't give a fuck about us if he gets that kind of money from the commercial tenant. 

            I weighed 85.4 kilos at 17:30. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 18:30. 

            I reviewed again the best four videos of me singing my song "Sixteen Tons of Dogma". July 12 was a bit better than July 13, although a little fast. July 3 is better than these two but I think June 19 is better overall. It's surprising because usually the later takes are improvements. They are all flawed and I really need to work on this song more but I'll put June 19 up on YouTube anyway just because I worked hard on recording these and I want to have something to show for it. Also it will be interesting if it gets some hits. Next year I'll hopefully have an improved version to put up on display. 

            In the Movie Maker project for my song "Instructions for Electroshock Therapy" I synchronized the concert video with the studio audio after the line "Secure the jaw and force the shoulders down" at the point when I sing "shock therapy" again. After that, for the line, "We're looking for the threshold" they go out of synch again. I started searching for videos online that might fit with that line. I'll look some more tomorrow. 

            I chronologized a couple more transcriptions of the Gumby Bible from year six. I made pizza on naan with Basilica sauce and five-year-old cheddar and had it with a beer while watching the 1977 Bugs Bunny Easter special. 

            The story begins with Granny on the phone with the Easter Bunny, who is telling her he's sick in bed and can't deliver eggs this Easter. She decides to see if Bugs Bunny can replace him. She goes to see him at work and he says he'd love to help but he's bound by his contract to finish the movies he's working on. 

            Then we see the story about Bugs as King Arthur's jester who has to rescue the singing sword from the Black Knight. 

            Then Daffy Duck in an Easter Egg costume approaches Granny because he'd heard that she wanted someone to play an Easter egg. She says that's not it. 

            Then we see Bugs Bunny in the famous hillbilly square dance sequence. 

            Then Daffy comes back in an Easter Basket costume. Granny tells him he's not what she had in mind. 

            Then we see the Bugs Bunny story in which he plays a bullfighter. 

            Bugs tells Granny he'll introduce her to some friends. She asks if it's Barbara Streisand and Clint Eastwood. He says it's Sylvester and Tweety. Sylvester comes in, gently holding Tweety in his open palm. Bugs tells him he could play the Easter Bunny because he's a great actor and he's got class and style. Sylvester says that's true and then we see the story of Sylvester visiting the circus. 

            When he passes the lion cage he sees the sign "King of the Cats" and he takes offense. He tells the lion he's crowning him and then hits him over the head with a shovel. In another cage he sees Tweety. He opens the cage to grab him but he gets away and Sylvester goes after him with a mallet. He runs right into the cage of the lion he's just abused and narrowly escapes. Tweety climbs up to the high wire. Sylvester follows him with a balancing pole. Then he sees Tweety on one end of the pole and so he puts it down to walk out on it before realizing that's a bad idea. He puts bricks on one side of the pole so he can walk out after Tweety without tipping it over. He grabs Tweety but then he sees the lion at the other end so he puts the bird down. The lion kicks away the bricks and Sylvester falls into the lion's mouth. Sylvester escapes and runs into a cage, but it's a cage full of lions. 

            Then we see another Sylvester story in which he is a member of Birds Anonymous and swears off eating birds. He goes home, gently pats Tweety on the head, and then goes to watch TV. But there is a cooking show in which the taste of a delicious roasted bird is being described. Sylvester handcuffs himself to the radiator. Tweety asks, "Don't you like me anymore?" Sylvester says, "I think you're delicious!" then rips the radiator from the wall and goes to grab Tweety. He is about to eat him when a bathroom plunger, shot like an arrow, hits him in the face. It's his sponsor from BA. Sylvester thanks him. For the next little while, Sylvester goes through cold turkey. Sylvester grabs Tweety again but before he can eat him his sponsor pours alum in his mouth, which makes it so he can't open it. He tries to suck Tweety in through a straw, but that doesn't work. Sylvester is banging his hands and fists on the floor and crying. His sponsor tells him that birds and cats can get along. He demonstrates by giving Tweety a kiss but then the taste starts to make him fall off the wagon. Sylvester has to hold him back.

            Granny tells Sylvester he's not Easter Bunny material. 

            She and Bugs go to see Pepe Le Pew, who is watching one of his movies in a screening room. It's a story that begins with a perfume store owner seeing that a skunk is in his store. The owner grabs a cat and tosses her in to get rid of the skunk. But she hits the counter and a bottle of white hair dye falls to mark a stripe down her back. When Pepe sees her he thinks she's a skunk and begins to pursue her aggressively in a way that no one could get away with nowadays. She runs to the window and Pepe thinks she's trying to commit suicide to prove her love for him. He tries to grab her but she falls. He says, "We will die together!" He falls into a bucket of blue paint and she falls into rainwater. Pepe is covered in blue and the cat's stripe has been washed off. For some reason, the cat is attracted to Pepe now that he's blue, and she begins chasing him. 

            Granny tells Pepe that he'd make an excellent Easter Bunny. But Pepe says that him playing the Easter Bunny would be like Robert Redford playing the Fonz. Pepe thinks Bugs Bunny would be better and so he has the projectionist play the Bugs Bunny story in which he deals with Elmer Fudd in a performance of the Barber of Seville. 

            Then Foghorn Leghorn the rooster steps in to audition to be the Easter Bunny. He has them watch the story in which he lives in a rundown shack with a cold winter approaching. He notices that the Widow Hen has a cozy cottage and so he decides to court her. He brings her flowers and candy and declares that he needs her love to keep him warm. He immediately asks her to marry him. She says she can't marry him unless he can prove he'd be a good father to her son. We see her son reading a book entitled, "Splitting the Fourth Dimension." She suggests that he take her son out to play. He shows her son how to make a paper airplane but then the boy makes a much more complex paper plane that goes after Foghorn's plane and shoots it down. Then they play hide and seek and Foghorn hides in a feed box. The boy does some calculations, walks into an open area, sticks a shovel in the ground and suddenly Foghorn comes out of the ground. Foghorn doesn't check the feed box because he's afraid he might still be in there. Then he sees the boy playing with his chemistry set and he grabs what's in the beaker to shake it and it explodes. Foghorn tells the widow that he no longer needs her love to keep him warm because he has bandages to do that. 

            Then Daffy returns wearing an Easter basket as a hat and juggling Easter eggs. He shows her the movie in which he plays Robin Hood. He is a very clumsy Robin and when he lands in the water he hears the laughter of Porky Pig as Friar Tuck. Daffy grabs a quarterstaff and challenges Porky, but Porky easily knocks him off the log with a little stick. Porky asks if Daffy knows where he can find Robin Hood because he wants to join his band of outlaws. Daffy tells Porky he is Robin Hood but he doesn't believe him, since Daffy continues being clumsy and slamming into things. Daffy tries to prove he's Robin Hood by robbing a rich traveler but he is so clumsy he can't even get the rider's attention.

            Granny and Bugs tell Daffy that he's not Easter Bunny material. 

            Bugs shows granny the story in which he encounters Yosemite Sam in Saudi Arabia and Sam tries to storm the fortress where he's taken shelter. 

            Granny says, "You sure outsmarted him!" Bugs says it's just play-acting and trick photography.

            Then the Easter Bunny comes hopping up, fully recovered. The Easter Bunny begins his rounds but we see him briefly remove his mask to reveal that he's Daffy Duck. Granny and Bugs say they knew it all the time. 

            The character of Foghorn Leghorn was a direct imitation of the character of Senator Claghorn from the Fred Allen radio show, to the extent that even many of Claghorn's catchphrases were used by him. He first appeared in the 1946 film short "Walky Talky Hawky." 

            I searched for bedbugs and found a small one in a crack at the top of the old exit door at the head of my bed. It had blood inside but it wasn't fresh.