I finished translating “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg. I looked for the chords but no one has posted them so I worked them out for the intro and the first two lines.
I played my Martin during song practice and it went out of tune for every song.
Around midday I painted “blue bliss” on the area around one of the four floral reliefs on my future bathroom mirror frame. I had expected to get all four done but the care I needed to take to keep from getting blue on the flowers was time consuming. It looks like it will take three more sessions just to complete the first coat of blue.
I weighed 91.05 kilos before lunch. I had a toasted Montreal style bagel with peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar, plus a glass of lemonade.
In the afternoon I headed out for a bike ride downtown and someone had left a pool of pink vomit directly in front of the door to my building. I had to step over it very carefully while maneuvering my bike around it. I rode downtown and back.
I weighed 90.3 kilos at 17:45.
I was behind in my journal and worked on getting caught up. I was still behind at suppertime.
I made pizza on naan with marinara, black olive paste, tomato pesto, a chopped New Zealand grass fed beef burger, and four-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore while watching season 7, episode 24 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup Carol buys Girl Scout cookies on stage like she does every year.
Harvey and Carol play an escaped con and his girlfriend robbing a diner. They see the cops pulling up outside and so they knock out the cook and the waiter then take their places. Harvey does the cooking and Carol serves the counter and the tables. Harvey turns out to be a whiz at cooking as it takes him seconds to prepare the meals. Hours pass and the place is packed, plus the cops for some reason are still there. Harvey is finding the work fulfilling but Carol isn’t and she wants to get away with or without him. As they stand there arguing in the kitchen the cops come in saying they knew who they were all along. But suddenly they buckle over from food poisoning as does everybody else in the joint. So they rob everybody and leave.
John Byner does a stand-up act. He says the Ed Sullivan Show is very different from The Carol Burnett Show. Ed’s show has a lot of animals, and Europeans throwing each other around. He imitates the elephant and getting splashed by it. He mentions The Exorcist being the movie of the century and says what people like these days are scary movies or sad movies. He says his mother took him to sad movies when he was a kid to see if he was okay. If he cried during Bambi then she knew he was healthy. He says men are embarrassed to cry in the US because they don’t think it’s masculine. In Europe men cry if they miss the bus. It’s because US heroes don’t cry. You ever see John Wayne cry? He does an impression of John Wayne if he cried in a movie, “You mean we gotta circle the wagons again?” He says men sneak cry at the movies and he imitates them holding back.
In the Carol and Sis sketch it’s just Carol and Roger this time and it’s their anniversary. She’s setting the table for their special night and he brings home flowers. They are about to start dinner when the doorbell rings. He opens the door and a stranger walks right in saying she’s Mrs. Raskin from down the hall and she’s got a problem. She lost the key to her apartment, her husband isn’t home yet. Roger tries to call the building manager but he’s out and he only gets the switchboard. Raskin says she guesses she’ll wait in the hall for who knows how long? Roger wants to get her out so he’s willing to let her wait in the hall. On her way out the door she hands Roger her doctor’s number in case she passes out. They try to return to their anniversary dinner but Carol says they can’t leave Mrs. Raskin out there. So Roger gives in, opens the door, and Raskin immediately walks in. She sits in the living room watching them until they invite her to join them. Carol says she has to get the steaks but Mrs. Raskin insists on serving them. They are eating and Raskin says the steaks look a little rare. She tries to grab Roger’s steak to put it back under the broiler. Roger says, “We like them that way!” Raskin says, My Uncle Marvin, may his soul rest in peace used to eat meat rare”. Carol asks what happened. Raskin says, “On the way home from the butcher he was hit by a truck”. The phone rings and Raskin answers it. The operator says her husband left a message that he won’t be home till midnight. That means it will be four hours. Carol and Roger exchange anniversary gifts. Carol’s is a gold bracelet but Raskin grabs it to look at it and says that it’s better than real gold. Carol gives Roger a wrapped gift and Raskin won’t let him tear the paper. He wants to open it himself but she insists. Finally Roger hands Raskin the key to their apartment and tells her to lock up when she leaves, then he takes Carol to a hotel where they can celebrate their anniversary alone.
Vicki Lawrence sings her follow up single to “The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia”: “Mama’s Gonna Make it All Better”. I assume it was written by her then husband Bobby Russell. It didn’t chart.
Harvey and John play rival scientists Stroll and Fromis. Fromis says he has a new invention that will make him jealous and a vertical crate is wheeled in. He says he’s built a woman robot but Stroll says he created a woman robot three years ago. Vicki plays the beautiful and lifelike robot Andrea. Now Fromis is reluctant to show his robot. Carol plays the awkward and clumsy robot Gark. She has what looks like a mop head for a wig and her torso is not woman shaped. Gark seems incapable of performing any functions but then the phone rings and she answers it, speaking, listening, and responding. Dr. Stroll is very impressed because he hasn’t been able to make Andrea speak. he must have her but Fromis refuses. Stroll orders Andrea to attack Gark but Gark insults her until she collapses.
There is a parody of the annual Country Music Awards called the Annual Rural Music Awards.
John plays the host Glen Twitty wearing a ridiculous pompadour wig.
To present to first award he brings out country stars Laura Tendrum (Carol) and Donna Cargo (Vicki). They are both tied for the top female performer of the year and obviously don’t like each other. One of the songs up for an award is “The Night My Tights Gave Out in Georgia”.
The winner of the best song is Big Joe Blackjack singing “Everything I Like is a Legal or Moral Offense”. These include underage girls and unhealthy food.
Harvey plays Johnny Money a parody of Johnny Cash. He introduces Donna Cargo singing “S-P-L-I-T” (a trashy parody of “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” by Tammy Wynette).
Johnny Money sings “Fifteen Minutes to Go” a parody of Shel Silverstein’s “25 Minutes to Go”.
Laura sings about being a simple country girl who likes picking on her ukulele. She stops singing to say that she will never be too big to share an award with her inferiors.
Glen sings his song “Me and Little Susie”. He does an impression of a harmonica and sings about his girlfriend who was a pig until his ma made bacon out of her.
The dancers do a square dance.
Mrs. Raskin was played by Francine Beers, who started as child performer singing jingles on the radio. She made her off Broadway review in King of the Whole Damn World in 1962. She made her TV debut in The Nurses in 1965. She played Judge Janis Silver on Law and Order; Sybil Gooley on All in the Family; and Bea Finster on Kate and Alley. She made her film debut in Made for Each Other in 1971. She won the Helen Hayes Award in 1988 for her performance in the play Light Up the Sky.
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