I worked out the chords for the first verse and the beginning of the chorus of “Les anthropophages” (The Cannibals) by Serge Gainsbourg.
I weighed 90.55 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since March 4.
I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune the whole time. But it often seems that when I am running ahead of schedule something happens to take away that surplus of time. In this case I had to pause for a time consuming bowel movement in the middle of my rehearsal.
Around midday I rode my bike with its trailer down to No Frills where I found only five bags of grapes that weren’t too soft. I also bought a pack of Moroccan blueberries, some bananas, beef rib finger meat, a tub of olive oil margarine, a bottle of olive oil, a pack of Irish Spring soap, a jug of lemonade, a jug of orange juice, a container of skyr, and a bag of Miss Vickie’s potato chips.
I weighed 90.95 kilos at 14:20. I had saltines with peanut butter, five-year-old cheddar, and a glass of limeade.
After a siesta it was too late for a bike ride downtown and so I just rode to Ossington and Bloor.
I weighed 91.05 kilos at 17:50.
I was caught up in my journal at 19:11.
I tried for the first time since I got the new cable adapter to record from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity. I found that the left channel is louder whether I have the black jack in the left or the right slot of my audio interface. They were balanced up until recently so I don’t know if I should conclude that the problem is in the interface. I was getting noise from the right channel in the tape recording but not from the radio or from another tape but the volume problem is consistent from any sound source. I guess I should switch the RCA cables in the back of the stereo to see if the volume imbalance starts to favour the right channel.
I grilled five bratwurst sausages, then I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara, tomato pesto, two sliced bratwurst, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 8, episode 23 of The Carol Burnett Show.
Carol opens up the show singing “Alice Blue Gown” by Joseph McCarthy and Harry Tierney from the 1919 musical Irene. She’s wearing a midriff revealing outfit similar to something Cher might wear but the midriff is fake and larger than her own.
During the audience warmup Carol tells a little at-home viewer named Becky Morton she loves her.
Two teenagers in the audience are the children of Carol’s childhood best friend. Carol and her friend used to fake being sick so they could stay home and play jacks.
Someone asks why Carol’s husband Joe always wears red socks, but Carol says he doesn’t. That’s just his high blood pressure.
Someone asks if there’ll be a repeat of Drink, Drank, Drunk, which was PBS special documentary hosted by Carol to raise awareness about alcohol abuse. Apparently Carol’s parents were alcoholics. She says she hopes they repeat it.
Someone asks Carol who is the nicest person she’s ever worked with. She says Harvey Korman but then we see it was Harvey who asked the question.
Someone asks if she ever thought of having her mouth insured and she cracks up. She says there’s not enough money.
Someone asks if she’s always so happy. She says she runs hot and cold. But then she hears something back stage and asks what they said in the booth? She explains there’s a bullet proof glass booth where the directors and producers sit. While she’s talking to the audience they make remarks about what she should have said. She can’t hear it but the cameramen and stage managers have ear pieces so they can hear what’s said. So when she hears them chuckle she knows something has been said in the booth. The cameraman says that when she said she runs hot and cold her husband agreed. She asks, “How would he know?”
We see a balcony with a divider between two apartments. Phil Silsers comes out on the left one feeling miserable. Carol plays his extremely positive, perky and doting wife who comes out to faun over him, which just makes him feel worse. On the right balcony Harvey comes out feeling positive while his wife (played by Jean Stapleton) is annoyed by his good mood. Carol hands Phil a menu but he says it’s the same menu as always. Harvey asks Jean for some breakfast but she says she’s not running a restaurant. Carol stands to the right side of her balcony and declares what a great day it is. Harvey is impressed. She says the sun makes her balcony look like a Rembrandt painting sometimes. He says it doesn’t do that for his and so she suggests they switch apartments and she’ll pay the difference. He asks if she’s come in and clean once a week and she’s excited that he would allow her to do that. She starts picking the lint from his jacket and he’s in ecstasy. They embrace and he says he’s always wanted a slave. She loves the title and begs him to repeat it. Harvey goes to pack so they can run away together. Phil meets Jean and complains about Carol. Jean says she doesn’t care and he loves her indifference. He says he needs someone like her and she tells him to go away. He’s in heaven. She’s surprised he wants to take all her guff and he says he can’t get enough of that wonderful guff. They agree to be miserable together and she goes to pack. Carol says she’s going to go down to the pear and fish for sea bass. Harvey tell her to also dig some clams. Both switched couples begin singing “Cheek to Cheek” by Irving Berlin from the 1934 musical Top Hat.
Jean Stapleton sings “Losing My Mind” by Stephen Sondheim from the 1971 musical Follies.
The cast does TV commercial parodies.
Harvey is playing chess and concentrating when Phil bites loudly into a Doritos chip. They engage in a crunching competition until the sound of Phil’s crunch knocks Harvey through a wall.
Phil does a parody of Menon after shave. He puts it on but can’t stop slapping himself in the face.
Carol plays Harvey’s grey haired mother. She says he looks tired and he says he hasn’t been getting much sleep. She says, “Why don’t you try Drop Off sleeping pills?” He says, “I remember you said that to dad”. She says, “I guess I shouldn’t have given him the whole bottle”. Then the guard comes to take Carol back to her cell.
Harvey is sitting with his wife Jean and their two kids as he signs a life insurance policy and then has a heart attack and dies. The family sing happily about it.
Jean plays an elderly mother who comes home to a surprise party held by her many children. She starts crying and Carol gives her a box of absorbent tissue, telling her that’s her present from all of them. They leave and say they’ll see her next year.
Phil is coughing and takes Nyquil then starts sneezing.
Harvey and Carol are having coffee but he only gives him half a cup because it will keep him awake. He says, “They can put a man on the moon but they can’t make a coffee that lets you sleep. Then a radio announcer says the moon program has been canceled. Harvey drinks the coffee and goes to sleep. Carol says, “They can make a coffee that lets you sleep but they can’t put a man on the moon”.
Harvey comes home and Carol asks, “How was your flight?” He starts to say, “This irregularity.. .” and Carol immediately pours a laxative into his mouth. He says he meant the plane flights were irregular and then rushes to the bathroom.
Carol and Jean play two working class women sitting on a New York stoop drinking cans of beer. A couple walks by embracing. Jean says there’s a sexual revolution going on. Carol says she’s on the casualty list. Jean says it would be nice to be young enough to have one more fling. They sing “Flings” by Bob Merrill from the 1957 musical New Girl in Town.
Harvey and Carol do an Old Folks sketch as Burt and Mollie for the first time in a long time. It’s the end of the day and she’s mad because she thinks he’s forgotten their anniversary. He finally gives her a string of 64 pearls to match every year they’ve been together. He wants to have sex but she says, “Not this year. I’ve got a headache,”
In the hallway outside of an office an executive played by Harvey is about to go in and sees Jean approaching so he opens the door for her. She calls him a chauvinist pig and says he’s reminding her of centuries of male domination and oppression. He says, “I’m sorry miss”. She corrects him, “Ms.!” He says he’s holding the door open for a lady but she corrects him that she’s a person. She says it’s perfectly alright for a person to hold the door for a person and so she takes hold of the doorknob and says, “After you!” He tries to cross the threshold but it’s as if some invisible force is stopping him. he asks why he can’t do it and Jean says, “Because you are the victim of a male dominated society trapped on the traditional topsy turvy treadmill of machismo mythology!” He asks why he can walk through a door if a man is holding it open. She says because men are not a threat while women are. “You’re afraid of me!” He says he’s not but she opens the door for him again and he still can’t walk through. He asks if he can hold the door for himself and she says he can. He asks who she’s there to see and she says J. W. Perkins about a job. He says he’s J. W. Perkins. She asks if that means she doesn’t get the job? he asks if she’s willing to work for a sexist pig? She asks if she be paid the same as a man and he answers she would. It’s a men’s apparel company and he says they need someone to deal with customer complaints. He says she’d be perfect.
Phil plays a sergeant in the army and Harvey plays his corporal. The male dancers play his men who are a sloppy drill team that Phil wants whipped into shape for the drill team competition. Carol plays a sergeant with Jean as her corporal and a troop of female soldiers marching in much better form. Phil says they won’t be any competition but Carol starts singing “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better” by Irving Berlin from the 1946 musical Annie Get Your Gun. Everybody joins in and the men and women do a drill dancing routine that ends in the men and women seductively dancing together. Carol and Jean sing the 1962 song “I’m a Woman” by Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller.
Jean Stapleton made her stage debut in summer stock
in 1941. She made her New York debut in The Corn is Green in 1948. She made her
TV debut on Starlight Theatre in 1951. She made her film debut in Damn Yankees
in 1958, reprising the role she played on Broadway. Norman Lear decided to cast
her in All in the Family after she appeared in his film Cold Turkey in 1971. Over
205 episodes she won three Emmy Awards for playing Edith Bunker. She owned and
operated The Totem Pole Playhouse summer stock theatre in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania.
She co-starred in the films Something Wild, Up the Down Staircase, The Buddy
System, Michael, You’ve Got Mail, She was nominated for an Emmy for her performance
as Eleonor Roosevelt in Eleonor First Lady of the World. She co-starred in the
sitcom Bagdad Café. She starred in the series Mrs. Piggle Wiggle.
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