I finished memorizing “Les anthropophages” (The Cannibals) by Serge Gainsbourg. I still need to translate the last verse and then I’ll look for the chords.
I weighed 90.1 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it stayed in tune a little more than half the time.
I was still behind in my journal and worked on getting caught up.
I weighed 91.25 kilos before lunch.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride but it started raining when I was on Brock just south of Bloor. I turned around and headed south to go to Freshco but after I got to College, dismounted and was about to cross the street, the rain let up. So I started riding up Brock again but the rain returned by the time I got to Cobourg and so I turned around again, rode back to College, east to Gladstone, and south to Freshco.
The grapes were cheap but they were all squishy so I didn’t get any. I bought a pack of raspberries, some bananas, a pack of bratwurst, and a jar of mild salsa.
I weighed 91.4 kilos at 17:45, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the evening since February 20. If the rain hadn’t stopped my bike ride I would have been lighter.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal.
I had a potato with gravy and the end of a pork sirloin roast while watching season 8, episode 19 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup someone asks about the costume designer for the show. She repeats that it’s Bob Mackie and that he also does Cher’s costumes.
Someone asks Carol if he can feel her double jointed hip and so she lets him come up and feel it.
She mentions that Harvey Korman won a Golden Globe Award but for some dumb reason they gave it out during a commercial and nobody got to see it on TV.
Someone asks Carol what else she has that’s double jointed and she shows that her hands are.
At the beginning of the Mama’s Family sketch we see Eunice on her hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor. Ed comes in with a box of items he’s fetched from Mama’s house. He complains that he had other things to do today like put up the display for the Japanese rabbit traps he ordered to sell at his hardware store. Eunice says she’s the one who’s had to wheel Mama around for two days so she doesn’t have time to buy him a medal. The phone rings and it’s Eunice’s sister Ellen (who we never see). Eunice explains that Mama broke her ankle after falling down Eunice’s stairs. Mama and Eunice had been watching the roller derby on TV when Mama went upstairs to the bathroom. While she was there she got the idea that Eunice’s bathtub needed cleaning so she mixed some ammonia and bleach and started scrubbing with her face down in the fumes. Then she staggered to the head of the stairs and passed out before tumbling down the stairs. They cleaned up the little storeroom on the main floor for Mama to use as a bedroom while she’s recovering. Mama rings her bell and Ed goes to see what she wants. Next Ed wheels her out to the living room. Mama keeps telling Eunice to sit down and relax and not to fuss over her but as soon as she does sit down Mama asks for something. She asks for her shawl because they keep the place so cold. Mama says to act as if she’s not there but when Ed wants to turn on the TV to watch Bowling for Dollars Eunice stops him. Mama says it’s fine but why he wants to watch those freaks or watch TV at all is beyond her. Eunice says they can talk but they don’t. Mama decides to read the paper. Eunice asks Mama if she wants a drink. Mama tells her to sit down but then asks for a glass of orange juice and hopes it’s not from frozen but it is. She complains the glass is sticky and asks for a damp cloth. Mama addresses Ed’s plan of selling Japanese rabbit traps. She says she wishes him all the best but tells him to not be surprised if it goes down the drain like all his other plans. Mama asks for the jar of hand cream that Ed brought back from her place but it turns out that what he brought was the hand cream jar that she uses to hold her bobby pins. She says, “It should be obvious to even you that hand cream don’t rattle!” Mama asks Eunice to clean the puffy balls of grease and lint from under her stove. Eunice blows up and says she’s been on her hands and knees scrubbing but Mama says it doesn’t look like it. The phone rings and it’s Ellen. Eunice gives Mama the phone and Mama speaks incredibly sweetly to Ellen while using the conversation to criticize Eunice. She explains her accident and how she went nuts when she saw Eunice’s greasy grimy bathtub. She says Eunice must be planning to make a planter out of it. Mama tells Ellen she’ll still be there next week and Ed gives her a dirty look. Mama tells Ed to wheel her back into that closet full of cobwebs they call a room. Eunice gets angry and says she cleaned the room but Mama says there’s a cobweb hanging over her bed she’s afraid is gonna strangle her in her sleep. Eunice goes in her room and says the cobweb is gone and she can go in there and stare at the four walls all day. Mama tells Ed to wheel her back in but he asks her who she is to order him around. He says he’s going back to the store. She says, “On the way pick up my hand cream and my murder mystery”. He tells her to sit on a tack. He says he’s in the middle of one of the biggest business deals of his life and all he gets is sniping and sneering from her. She tells him selling rabbit traps is nuttier than all his other schemes put together. He shouts, “There’s gonna be a rabbit epidemic! Last year hundreds of farmers had their crops eaten by swarms of rabbits and the papers say the same thing is gonna happen this year!” Mama calls him a dumb cluck and tells him the rabbit epidemic last year was in Australia. Ed suddenly looks stunned but then says there’s going to be a rabbit epidemic in the US this year, “And don’t call me a dumb cluck!” “What else would you call someone who can’t tell the difference between hand cream and bobby pins?” He says, “You got one broken ankle, would ya like to try for two?” “You wouldn’t dare!” “Don’t try to find out!” Mama says she’s going to a nursing home and tells Eunice to wheel her to the bedroom so she can get her things. Eunice says she’s not her slave and she can do it herself. Mama says Eunice’s aunt saw her in the cradle and said, “This one’s gonna cause you nothin but grief and she was right!” Mama goes to the bedroom and suddenly there’s a loud crash. Eunice falls to her knees and prays that Mama’s all right. Ed wheels Mama back out and she says a lamp fell over and she’s fine. Eunice apologizes, so does Ed and so does Mama but within seconds they are bitterly arguing again.
Harvey plays a police detective investigating a murder and the only witness is in a coma in the hospital. Harvey comes to see him, the patient wakes and it’s Tim Conway’s old man character. He says the killer had a double barrel shotgun and pointed it right in his face. But suddenly he seems scared again. He points to Harvey’s nose and asks, “Is that loaded?” Harvey starts laughing. Tim says he saw the killer. “He was sitting right there and then he…he…he…ahh”. Then he’s gone. Harvey puts a sheet over his head and starts walking away but then Tim says, “He ordered spaghetti”. Tim describes the killer while Harvey draws him but the result is Mickey Mouse. Tim says, “That’s him!” He’s afraid he’s going to come and kill him. Harvey goes to get someone to give him a sedative. Tim gets out of bed and shuffles very slowly to the door to lock it but when he’s almost there he says he forgot his slippers. So he shuffles back and returns to the door but realizes the slippers are on the wrong feet and shuffles back only to see that they were not on the wrong feet. He shuffles back only to be hit by the door when Harvey returns. The doctor gives Tim a sedative and he and Harvey leave. Tim gets caught in the curtain that hangs from rollers on the ceiling. Harvey comes back in with a wheelchair to take Tim to another room but he can’t find him. He keeps sliding the curtain open and slamming Tim into the wall. He looks for Tim but can’t find him. Then he learns the killer is cornered on the first floor. Tim tries to push a wheelchair out of the way but it pushes him out the window.
Carol and Vicki repeat a number from season 7, episode 3 when they sing “Mama’s Got a Date”, and “If Mama Got Married” and then Harvey does his big Jewish mother drag character as their just married mama.
Carol and Harvey play a couple strolling in the park when they come across a wishing well. Harvey wants to make a wish but has no change so Carol gives him a nickel. He makes the wish and tosses the coin and she wants to no what was his wish but he says it won’t come true if he tells her. She argues that it was her nickel. He still won’t tell her so she decides to make a wish of her own. he wants to know what she wished and she says she wished he would tell her his wish. Carol then starts digging in the wishing well for her nickel to take it back so his wish won’t come true. He tries to stop her and she punches him in the face. He returns the punch and so does she. She finds her nickel and says, “Now your wish won’t come true!” He puts her head first in the well and says, “It just did!”
Tim is behind a bar counting the money from a cash register. A gunman (played by Dick Patterson) comes in and says, “Gimme all your money”. There is only $3. Dick goes behind the bar and confirms that’s all there is. Then Harvey comes in with a gun and points it at Dick and demands all the money. Dick hands him the $3. Tim tells Harvey not to believe him. Tim says, “”I’ll bet there’s some under the tray” and there is. Harvey asks Tim why he’s being so helpful and he says he’s a robber too. Harvey apologizes for cutting in but Tim says it’s his week off. Tim suggests Dick might have some more money on his person and so Harvey gets a roll from him. Tim asks if this is his first robbery of the night and Harvey reveals he made $1500 from knocking over a gas station. He puts the money on the bar and then a cop walks in. Tim shouts, “Help! I’m being robbed!” Both Harvey and Dick are arrested and Tim gathers up their money. Before he leaves he opens the phone booth and the real bound and gagged bartender tumbles out.
The final number is set on an ancient Egyptian barge as Carol plays Cleopatra singing “Row Row Row My Boat” with the dancers and her doing a kind of Egyptian dance. Then she sings the 1931 song “Up the Lazy River” by Hoagy Carmichael and Sidney Arodin. Then Harvey comes in as Marc Antony and sings “Up the Lazy River” while Cleopatra sings the 1917 Eddie Green song “A Good Man is Hard to Find”.
Dick Patterson appeared in several sketches on The Carol Burnett Show. He started as a stand-up comedian and a song and dance man. He made his television debut in 1958 on The Ed Sullivan Show. made his Broadway debut in Vintage 60. He got his big break in 1961 when he replaced Dick Van Dyke in the original Broadway production of Bye Bye Birdie. His first credited film role was in A Matter of Innocence (or Pretty Polly) in 1967. He wrote material for the Las Vegas acts of Debbie Reynolds and Rich Little.
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