I decided that the proper set of lyrics for “Les anthropophages” (The Cannibals) by Serge Gainsbourg are those provided on the Dalida YouTube channel. I sang along a couple of times and then started working on memorizing the first verse.
I weighed 89.95 kilos before breakfast.
I uploaded the video I isolated from season 7, episode 9 of The Carol Burnett Show of Vickie Lawrence singing and dancing to “Born to Hand Jive” written by Jim Jacobs and
Warren Casey for the 1971 musical Grease.
I played my Martin during song practice for the last of four sessions and it went out of tune shortly after starting every song.
Around midday I rode down to No Frills where I bought five bags of green grapes, two packs of blueberries, some bananas, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, a pack of chicken legs, a box of spoon sized shredded wheat, three bags of microfiltered skim milk, two containers of skyr, and two bags of Miss Vickie’s potato chips.
I weighed 90 kilos at 14:10. I had a toasted Montreal style bagel with peanut butter, five-year-old cheddar, and a glass of lemonade.
I took a siesta from 15:00 to 16:45. It was too late for a bike ride downtown so I just rode to Ossington and Bloor.
I weighed 90.4 kilos at 18:00.
The old guy who used to sit on the bench outside my building playing Italian pop songs, drinking beer, shouting “Opa!” to Italians, and “Bella!” to women who walk by, has been absent since they took the bench away. Bout now he walks with a Rollator that he can also sit on and tonight he was sitting under my window.
I was caught up in my journal at 18:45.
I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity a recording session at Mike’s Place what are probably the earliest recordings of my song “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy”. But I had to turn the gain on the right channel up to maximum to get a signal. The left channel recorded fine but there was nothing but a hum in the right channel. The problem wasn’t the tape this time because the same thing happened when I switched to the radio. Also when I switched the black (left) jack and the red (right) jack in the interface then only the right channel worked. The stereo breakout is brand new but the cable that runs from the stereo goes through one extension cable and two cable adaptors before it connects to the stereo breakout. I’ve had the cable and the adaptors for decades and so maybe they’re just too old. Maybe I need to get a cable that runs directly from the stereo to my audio interface.
I grilled four spicy Italian sausages and cut up two of them to put on two halves of a Montreal style bagel as pizza with marinara, tomato pesto, olive paste, and five-year-old cheddar. I had them with a glass of Barking Squirrel lager while watching season 8, episode 13 of The Carol Burnett Show.
This is a Christmas show and during the audience warmup several audience members line up to give Carol presents. Someone gives her a pillow with UCLA (Carol’s alma mater) on it; another gives her a home made pin cushion; a teenage girl gives Carol a rose and says she has another for Alan Alda. So Alan comes out and kisses her on the cheek, then she bursts into tears. Carol says to Alan, “You horrible person!”; another girl gives Carol a plant; and another a letter.
In the Mama’s Family sketch it’s Christmas day and Eunice is preparing for a visit from her brother Larry for the first time in five years. Ed wonders if he’s as strange as ever. Eunice says, “Just cause he ain’t married that don’t make him strange… necessarily”. Larry arrives (played by Alan). Eunice says last she heard he was drawing pictures for a living. He confirms that he’s a commercial illustrator. She says she heard he lost his job but he explains that he finished his job, however they aren’t really listening. She says she got her son a Killer Kelly doll for Christmas because he said that was what he wanted but he only played with it for five minutes. Eunice sees that Mama is approaching the door so she tells Larry to hide so they can get a picture of her look of surprise when she sees him. Mama hugs Larry excitedly but when she sees the camera flash she threatens to go home. Eunice was expecting her sister Ellen and her family to come but Mama said they had other plans so Eunice is insulted. Mama tells her Ellen couldn’t have known she was going to pull this surprise stunt. Larry says he feels kind of bad but Mama tells him not to worry because he never could time anything right anyway. She tells him that later he should visit Ellen cause “her house is really the Ritz. Nothin like this crackerbox.” Larry gives a gift that he says is for her whole family. It’s a big book entitled “A Layman’s Guide to the Universe”. She is clearly disappointed. Larry gives Mama a cheque and explains that he didn’t know what she needed. She says it’s very nice and she didn’t expect him to take the time to go out and shop for a real present. “I just appreciate you taking the five seconds it took to scribble that thing off”. Larry opens his gift from Eunice and it’s a paint by numbers set. She says, “I just knew you’d enjoy it what with you being a drawer and all”. Mama says to Larry, “Well, what do you say?” Larry forces out a “Thank you”. Eunice says, “It’s no wonder you can’t hold down a job when you got that kind of an attitude” Larry tries to explain that he works by individual contracts. Mama says to Eunice, “What do you know about art? It’s a jungle out there and there’s probably a million reasons for Larry always getting fired!” Larry blows up and shouts that he’s never been fired. He adds that he’s doing very well and has a skyline studio. And when he’s not working people come over to visit and when they do they let him finish a sentence. He throws down the paint by numbers set and leaves. Eunice just says, “Well he’s sure got a lot to learn about the Christmas spirit!”
Carol plays a department store clerk and Alan plays a store Santa. They are both having a bad day, especially Alan who gets bitten by the last kid on his lap before the store closes. They sing “Nobody Does It Like Me” by Cy Coleman and Dorothy Fields from the 1973 musical Seesaw. They end up leaving happily in each other’s arms.
Carol and Alan play Selma and Morton, a couple that has just been on a date and Morton walks her to her door. He says some beautiful words about not being good with words. He quotes a poem: “The night was made of promises of evenings yet to be, of times to come when quiet bliss will envelop you and me”. They kiss and he asks to come in but she says it’s late. She invites him to come for dinner tomorrow night. He walks away whistling and enters her home in bliss. She turns on the TV and there is an old movie playing in which the lead actor Reginald (played by Harvey) says to the leading lady Pamela (played by Vicki) the exact same words that Morton just said and even walks away whistling the same tune. She realizes Morton was just copying that movie so she watches to find out what he’s going to do when he comes for dinner. In the movie, after dinner Reginald kisses Pamela and she says she finally knows how it feels to be a real woman and then leads him to the bedroom. We see fireworks as a metaphor for what goes on inside. The next night Selma plays along and recites all of Pamela’s responses to Reginald’s lines. She leads him to the bedroom door and then reveals that she knows what he’s been doing is from “The Strange Loves of Pamela Hotchkins”. She tells him to leave and to never darken her door again. He asks if he can explain and she says as long as it’s not a cliché. he says he was an only child and his overly protective mother wouldn’t let him play with the other kids. His only solace was the movies. In the darkness of theatres he lived vicariously the life his mother sheltered him from. Since he didn’t know how to talk to people he would quote his movie heroes. They may have been someone else’s words but they really expressed his true feelings. Selma and Morton make love while the same fireworks go off. Later he leaves and she is ecstatic about this relationship until she turns on the TV and sees Harvey in another movie giving the exact same explanation for quoting movies that Morton gave Selma before they made love. She is livid and then there’s a knock on the door because Morton forgot his ties. She shouts, “You fink!” He asks, “It was on tonight?” She wants to know why he couldn’t just be himself? He answers because he’s boring. He sits down and talks about the brakes on his car and how he took it to Ralph’s Garage, which is owned by a guy named Arnie and he asked Arnie why he has a place called “Ralph’s” when his name is Arnie and he said he didn’t know. Selma tells Morton that he really is boring. He admits that he was also imitating movie stars when he kissed her because he doesn’t know how. She invites him to kiss her as himself. He does it and misses her lips while knocking out her false eyelash. He’s about to leave but she says for him not to go and to kiss her as Robert Redford. She says, “Tomorrow night you can be Paul Newman and I’ll be Robert Redford”. So they kiss.
Carol and Alan chat and she asks how he likes living in California since he’s been a New Yorker his whole life. He says he doesn’t live in California and commutes from New York where his wife and children live. He also prefers the east because there are four seasons. They sing “Take Me Back to Manhattan” by Cole Porter from the 1934 musical Anything Goes. They go on a tour of New York and sing “New York New York” by Leonard Bernstein, Betty Comden and Adolph Green from the 1949 musical On the Town. They sing “42nd Street” by Harry Warren and Al Dubin from the 1933 musical of the same name. Harvey picks Alan’s pocket and sings “The Streets of New York” by Victor Herbert and Henry Blossom from the 1906 musical The Red Mill. Vickie plays a sex worker and sings the 1919 song “Rose of Washington Square” by James F. Hanley and Ballard McDonald. Harvey plays a drunk who accosts Carol and Alda and sings “How About You?” by Burton Lane and Arthur Freed from the 1941 film Babes On Broadway. Then he collapses on the street and Carol sings “Sleep tight baby” from the song “Lullaby of Broadway” by Harry Warren and Al Dubin from the 1935 film Gold Diggers of 1935. Vicki plays a traffic cop and sings the 1935 song “Broadway Rhythm” by Nacio Herb Brown and Arthur Freed, as the dancers begin a number. Carol and Alan sing “Broadway Melody” by Nacio Herb Brown and Arthur Freed.
Alan Alda made his stage debut at the age of 6 months and spent much of his childhood touring with his famous actor father Robert Alda. He inadvertently learned to improvise starting at the age of 6 in order to react safely to his schizophrenic and sometimes violent mother. He earned a BA in 1956. He then joined The Compass Players improv group in Chicago, followed by Second City. He made his TV debut in 1958 on The Phil Silvers Show. In 1958 he won a three year Ford Foundation Fellowship , making him a paid staff member of the Cleveland Playhouse. He made his Broadway debut in 1961 in Purlie Victorious. He made his film debut in Gone Are the Days (the movie adaptation of Purlie Victorious) in 1963. He became part of the cast of “That Was the Week That Was” from 1963 to 1965. He starred in To Kill a Clown, Sweet Liberty (which he also wrote and directed), Paper Lion, The Mephisto Waltz, A New Life, Same Time Next Year, California Suite, Everyone Says I Love You, He starred in M.A.S.H. for 11 years and won two Emmy Awards for the role. He commuted from New Jersey to LA every weekend for the entire run of the series. He wrote or co-wrote 19 episodes and starting with the 5th season also sometimes directed, gaining more and more creative influence over the show’s direction. During the 9th season he was the highest paid actor on television and became a producer. He co-starred in the series The West Wing (for which he won an Emmy), And the Band Played On (Emmy nominated), Horace and Pete, He co-starred in Bridge of Spies, The Extraordinary Seaman, Jenny, The Moonshine War, Whispers in the Dark, Mad City, The Object of MY Affection, Nothing But the Truth, The Longest Ride, Crimes and Misdemeanours, Manhattan Murder Mystery, Canadian Bacon, Murder at 1600, Flirting with Disaster, Tower Heist, He was nominated for an Oscar for his performance in The Aviator. He’s been nominated for three Tony Awards: for The Apple Tree, Jake’s Women, and Glengarry Glen Ross. He was nominated for a Grammy in 2008 for his spoken word album Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself. He wrote and starred in The Seduction of Joe Tynan, He directed and co-starred in The Four Seasons, Sweet Liberty, A New Life, and Betsy’s Wedding. He hosted Scientific American Frontiers for 12 years. He wroteNever Have Your Dog Stuffed and If I Understood You Would I Have This Look On My Face? He thought his father was a better actor. Richard Hooker, the author of the novel M.A.S.H. didn’t like Alda’s portrayal of Hawkeye.
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