I worked out the chords for the first two verses of “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg. All the verses seem to have the same chords and there is no chorus so there’s a good chance the song will be done tomorrow.
I weighed 90.3 kilos before breakfast.
During song practice I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio and it stayed in tune almost half the time. About halfway through I had another toilet emergency. After a large bowel movement the toilet was plugged and the shitty water was rising. I had to grab a salad bowl to scoop up some of the water and pour it into the bathroom sink but that plugged the sink with shit and after it was full I had to pour the water in the tub. I managed to plunge the toilet clear without wearing a hole in my hand like I did a few weeks ago. Once the toilet was clear I had to plunge the sink and transfer the shit back to the toilet. I poured bleach down the sink and also cleaned the salad bowl with bleach. When I returned to song practice I had to shorten some of the songs so I wouldn’t be too far behind.
I weighed 91.25 kilos before lunch.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back.
I weighed 90.45 kilos at 18:00.
I was still behind in my journal and worked on getting caught up. I was about half a day behind at suppertime.
I grilled a strip loin steak and had it with a potato and gravy while watching season 8, episode 5 of The Carol Burnett Show. Lyle Waggoner has left the show and Ernie Anderson is the new announcer.
During the audience warmup, someone asks Carol if her measurements are the same as Cher’s since Bob Mackie makes costumes for both Carol’s show and Sonny and Cher’s. Carol says her measurements are the same as Sonny’s.
The Smothers Brothers perform the traditional “The Nightingale’s Song”. Dick starts singing while playing the upright bass as Tommy plays guitar. But suddenly Dick stops to tell Tommy that he didn’t come in and that it’s supposed to be a duet. Tommy says he doesn’t know the words. Dick says he doesn’t have to know the words. Dick tells the audience this is a madrigal and madrigals have been around for 600 years. Dick asks why they’ve been singing madrigals for 600 years. Tommy answers “Political pressure”. Dick says Madrigals began in the 14th Century in Italy. From the 14th to the 17th Century most Europeans were illiterate. He looks at Tommy and says, “They couldn’t read either”. That’s why they started singing “falalala” in place of the lyrics they couldn’t read. Tommy says, “That’s like in that Christmas song called ‘Falalala’. Dick says that’s called “Deck the Halls”. Tommy says, “I’m of a different faith”. Dick says he wants Tommy to sing “Falala” so they start the song again. But Tommy starts singing “Falala” in place of a verse. Dick stops him and says he’s doing the wrong “falalas”. It’s supposed to be a more delicate song but Tommy did it profundo like a marching song. Tommy points out that he should have specified what kind of “falala” he wanted and Dick admits that he was at fault. Tommy says he’ll do counterpoint “falalas” and they begin again. It’s sounds good that way and then Tommy ends it with some made up lines, “When there’s two in the bush there’s a bird up your tree”.
Tommy plays Jack, who is in the hospital being assured by his doctor that the surgery he’ll be having tomorrow morning is a simple procedure and he’ll be on his feet in no time. The doctor tells Jack his sister and some others are waiting to see him. Jack looks worried and tells the doctor to tell them he died but the doctor lets her in. This turns out to be Carol as Eunice. She tells him he looks awful but who wouldn’t when they’re about to go under the knife. Jack says it’s just minor surgery but she says no surgery is minor once they cut into you. She says she never would have forgiven herself if she didn’t come in to see him just in case. Eunice says her husband Ed (Harvey) is in the hall and explains that he gets nauseous in hospitals. She shouts for Ed to come in. He looks like he’s about to throw up but recovers. I guess Jack is a salesman because Ed tells him to not stay in here too long because he’ll lose all his customers and his business will be shot to hell. Jack says the doctor says he’ll be dancing on a cloud in no time. Ed says his partner at the hardware store had a cousin who didn’t recover the full use of his limbs after his surgery. Eunice and Ed take some time to ignore Jack and argue about Ed’s partner. Eunice asks Jack his opinion but Jack says it’s not his field. She says, “You never would back me up!” Momma (Vicki) comes in and tries to surprise Jack but he knew she was coming and now she’s mad. She throws his gift down on his stomach, which is where he’ll be getting his surgery. It’s one of puzzles where you roll a bead through a maze. He says he doesn’t feel like concentrating right now so she grabs it from his hands and shouts, “Well then just put it aside” and then she throws it on the floor. Then Eunice and Mama fight and Mama argues she might be worse off than Jack but assures him she’ll stay alive till he gets better. Jack says, “Don’t do anything special for me mama”. Eunice tells Jack that some people think his doctor is a quack. Jack asks, “Who says that?” She says, “I heard he’s a butcher”. Mama tells her she has a talent for saying the wrong thing and Eunice throws candy all over Jack. Eunice says Ida Hawkins checked into this very room to get his tonsils out but Doctor Cooper cut out his tongue. Mama says, “Let’s not argue while Jack is practically at death’s door!” Mama asks Jack before they leave if he’s got all his papers in order. Jack asks, “What papers?” Mama says, “Have you made out your will?” Jack reminds her that it’s a minor operation. Ed argues “You never know! The anaesthetic alone has killed lots of people!” Jack says he already left everything to his wife and kids. Mama says, “Not everything I hope!” “Yeah, everything”. Mama says, “There are a few things of mine I’d like to get outta that house of yours!” Eunice says grandma always wanted her to have that set of silver that he got. Mama shouts at Eunice for being a vulture. Eunice says that before Jack is cold in his grave his wife Janey is going to run off with that plumber she’s been carrying on with for years and her silver will be gone forever. They leave and Jack calls his wife to ask about the plumber.
Telly Savalas talks and sings while smoking a cigarette his 1974 single “Rubber Bands and Bits of String” by Gloria Sklerov and Harry Lloyd.
Telly plays Reynolds and Harvey plays Marsh. They are two business owners who meet in a restaurant. Harvey is excited because they are merging their companies but Reynolds says he’s calling off the merger. This skit is similar to a previous episode in which a business relationship between men is treated very similarly to a romantic relationship. Marsh asks how he expects him to face people. Reynolds says to tell them it was his idea. He says, “We’re not right for each other!” “But it seemed so right!” Marsh asks, “You’re merging with Simpkins aren’t you?” “How did you know?” “I saw his annual report on your desk!” Reynolds says, “I’ve always respected your company. We can still do business can’t we?” “What kind of a company do you think I run? If I’d known it was gonna turn out this way I’d have never let you into my corporate bonds!” “You wanted that as much as I did!” (Harvey and Telly start laughing). “But I gave you something I never gave anyone else. My debentures”. Marsh says, “I made lots of cheap tawdry deals with other companies, even J and R”. “Not J and R!” “I let him handle my stock options!” They say “goodbye”, Marsh lingers and they crack up again. Marsh leaves and Reynolds goes to the bar to meet Simpkins and tells him he’s free. Simpkins tells him the merger is off.
There are a bunch of commercial parodies.
In a supermarket Harvey is manning a sampling kiosk and grabs Carol as she walks by to sample Bolgers coffee. He asks her if she’d say it tastes as good as it looks. She says it’s good. He insists she says it tastes as good as it looks. She says it’s delicious but he wants her to say that line and has to shake it out of her until she screams it then runs away. He smiles for the camera and says, “That was another unsolicited testimonial”.
There’s a parody of a Pepsi commercial showing several thin people as the song goes, “Diet Pepsi has one calorie”. But then they show Vicki in a fat suit with about a hundred empty bottles of diet Pepsi.
Tommy says he’s the man from Pepto Dismal and asks if we mind he talks about diarrhea. Several people shout out that they mind. Tommy asks, “Well then can I speak to you about snow tires?”
The final sketch is set in the Casbah where the infamous jewel thief Poopi La Mocco (played by Telly) is safe from the police. Poopi is with Vicki but he says there are no women in the Casbah. She asks, “Am I not a woman?” He says, “Here you are a woman, but in Paris you are not even a file cabinet!” Inspector Ptomain arrives (played by Harvey with his Peter Lorre accent). Carol walks in as an elegant jewel bedecked woman and sits at a table. Poopi tells her she’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. She says, “I know”. He asks what she’s doing in the Casbah. She says she’s on a world tour and has seen 17 countries in in 14 days. Tomorrow she’ll see Philadelphia twice. The bus for Philly arrives and she asks him to come with her. he says if he leaves he will be killed. She asks if he must always think of himself. They dance out together and Poopi is shot. Carol is a cop who lured Poopi to his doom. As Poopi dies he says he’ll come back in another life as a detective who likes lollipops.
The new announcer for The Carol Burnett Show was Ernie Anderson, who started his career as a radio announcer in Burlington, Vermont in 1946. He was fired for making fun of one of the sponsors. He then worked at a radio station in Providence, Rhode Island and was the number one DJ, but was fired for riding his motorcycle in the hallway. He moved to a Cleveland station where he met Tim Conway and they became writing partners. They created Ernie’s Place for a Cleveland TV station. There Ernie created the beatnik character Ghoulardi who hosted the Friday night horror movie show Shock Theatre. His catch phrases were “Stay sick” and “Turn blue”. His character was very popular and he would mock the quality of the movies he was showing. He also created a parody of Peyton Place called Parma Place that was a hit with fans. Ghoulardi began hosting Masterpiece Theatre, and a children’s show. He organized sports events that attracted thousands of fans. This led to him being a castmember of The Steve Allen Show. he moved to LA and in the 70s was hired as the voice of ABC. In 1974 he became the regular announcer for The Carol Burnett Show and also started appearing in skits. He did the voiceover for the previews of the first three seasons of Star Trek the Next Generation. He was the father of famed film director Paul Thomas Anderson who says his father was a bad actor even in home movies.
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