I weighed 89.7 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since June 9.
I played my Martin during song practice for the second of four sessions and as usual it went out of tune for every song.
Around midday I went over to Vina Pharmacy and asked for them to renew my Betaderm prescription. Then I went to No Frills where the cherries were $4.34 a kilo so I bought seven bags. I also got some bananas, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, a pack of two T-bone steaks, three bags of skim milk, some lemon dish detergent, a box of spoon sized shredded wheat, a jug of lemonade, a jug of orange juice, a small container of PC skyr (because that was all they had), two bags of Miss Vickie’s chips, and a pack of toilet paper.
I weighed 90.2 kilos at 14:30. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of lemonade.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride to Ossington and Bloor.
I weighed 90.6 kilos at 17:50.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal but was still behind at suppertime.
I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara, tomato pesto, french fries, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 9, episode 8 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup someone says her father wants to know how Carol stays so slim. She says to tell her father to lay off the beer and pizza.
Someone asks for Carol’s ethnic background. She says she’s Irish, English, Dutch, some German, and part Cherokee. Everybody seems to think they are part Cherokee.
Harvey and Carol are in a restaurant and Harvey orders champagne because he wants it to be a special evening. He tries to tell her how he feels about her but she starts laughing. He thinks she’s laughing at him but she assures him she’s not. He starts to propose but she laughs even harder. She points out that there’s a man at another table with whipped cream on his nose and she keeps on laughing. Harvey can’t get her to listen to his feelings. Everybody else starts laughing as well. He’s about to call off the engagement until Carol gets whipped cream on her nose as well and Harvey begins to laugh but she doesn’t think it’s funny.
Carol brings out Roddy McDowall. She tells him his enunciation is impeccable. He says
it’s purely a matter of training. All English actors are weaned on Peter Piper’s practical principals of plain and perfect pronunciation. She says it’s not so simple for someone from San Antonio. He says it’s just a matter of a little re-education of the lips and tongue. He says to try saying “The seething sea ceaseth and thus the seething sea sufficeth us”. Then he says, “Theophilus Thistledown, the successful thistle sifter in sifting a sieve of un-sifted thistles thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if Theophilus Thistledown, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve of un-sifted thistles thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb see that thou, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust not three thousand thistles through the thick of thy thumb.” He asks Carol to say “toy boat” over and over and it doesn’t take long to fumble it. She hears someone in the audience laugh loudly at this so she gets him to do it and also fail. They begin to sing a tongue twisting song. “Billy Button bought a buttered biscuit. Did Billy Button buy a buttered biscuit? If Billy Button bought a buttered biscuit, where's the buttered biscuit Billy Button bought?” Roddy says to try, “Captain Crackscom cracked his cousin’s cockscomb”. Carol does, “Betty Botta bought some butter; “But,” said she, “this butter’s bitter! If I put it in my batter It will make my batter bitter. But a bit o’ better butter Will but make my batter better. Then she bought a bit o’ butter better than the bitter butter, made her bitter batter better so ’twas better Betty Botta bought a bit o’ better butter.” Roddy does, “A flea and a fly in a flue were imprisoned, so what could they do? Said the fly, "let us flee!” “Let us fly!" said the flea so they flew through a flaw in the flue.” He adds that the following is piece de resistance: “Moses supposes his toeses are roses; but Moses supposes erroneously, for nobody's toeses are roses or posies, as Moses supposes his toeses to be.” Carol and Roddy turn it into a beat poem. Then they sing a finish about tongue twisters in general.
Vicki plays a waiter named Sally in a diner. Harvey and Tim enter boisterously and tell Sally her two boyfriends are back. She says, “Well if it ain’t Don Juan and Don half a Juan”. Harvey slaps her ass and she tells him to keep his paws to himself. They sit down and Tim says he’s getting divorced tomorrow and then the competition between him and Harvey is going to get stiff. Harvey says he’s been divorced for a whole year so he has a lot more experience. There are plenty of fish in the ocean for a man’s man like Harvey. He says he’s a loner and he likes it. He opens the menu and holds it up to his face to hide his crying but Tim sees him and says he’s acting like a sissy. Harvey says he can’t help it because he’s so lonely. Tim tells him to straighten up but then somebody plays Tim’s wife’s favourite song and he begins to break down in tears. Their food arrives but they are too upset to eat. They leave and Sally tells the other waiter she could fall for either one of those two but they just don’t take love seriously.
Roddy enters a factory, punches a clock, and puts on a blue coat. Carol, followed by Tim does the same. They stand on an assembly line, Roddy with a drill, Carol with a hammer, and Tim with a wrench. Identical rectangles of metal roll by, Roddy drills a hole, Carol hammers a nail partially into it, and Tim turns it with a wrench. As they work, Carol tells Roddy she wants a divorce because there’s somebody else. They have a coffee break and Roddy says, “If I ever find out who he is I’ll kill him!” Carol pours a cup of coffee and says she’ll never tell him. Then she turns and hands the coffee to Tim as she says, “Here sweetheart”. Back to work, Roddy goes crazy with his drill and starts drilling everything. Their boss (played by Harvey) comes in and tells Carol and Roddy to come to his office, leaving Tim at the belt, which has not stopped and he tries to do all three jobs by himself but can’t keep up. Carol and Roddy return and now they are back in love. Tim walks over to try to talk with them but gets caught on the belt and drilled and hammered by Roddy and Carol who are still busy making up and not paying attention.
Vicki is working in an office by herself and Tim is outside washing the window. Suddenly Tim’s scaffold rope slips and he’s hanging on precariously while shouting “Help!” She begins to sing the 1965 song “For Once in My Life” by Ron Miller and Orlando Murden that was a big hit for Stevie Wonder. Just as she’s finishing the song Tim has almost secured himself but he uses both hands to applaud and falls.
They do a parody of the film The Little Foxes. Roddy plays the wealthy Morris Gibbons who has a weak heart. Harvey plays Morris’s brother in law Bosco. Vicki plays Bosco’s wife Burly. Tim plays their son Theo. Carol plays Morris’s wife Regina. They are all waiting impatiently for Morris to die so they can have his money. They all hit Theo and when they don’t he hits himself. Morris has had a heart attack but he survived and as long as he takes his heart medicine he could be alive for a long time. Regina arranges for Morris to be brought home so she can speed his demise. The butler wheels Morris in and then hits Theo. Morris hits Theo weakly but he still tumbles up the stairs. Morris wonders why Regina didn’t visit him for the year he was in the hospital, which is just across the street. He says she could have at least waved. He tells her he’s going to cut her out of his will. She suddenly shouts “Surprise!” and he has another heart attack but gets his medicine in time. Bosco bursts through the door to see if Morris is dead yet but Regina says he’s not. Bosco exclaims, “Chitlins!” and it’s obviously an ad lib because Carol has to suppress a laugh. Regina screams in Morris’s ear and he has another heart attack. She pours his heart medicine into a house plant and it perks up. Morris collapses on the floor. She thinks he’s dead but he gets up again and tries to climb the stairs but tumbles back down. When she thinks it’s over he gets up again but falls once more. Bosco, Burly, and Theo come in. They get the key to his desk where keeps the will from Morris’s body. Regina opens it and everything has been left to Burly. But in the event of her demise it would go to Bosco. Burly asks, “What’s demise?” and Bosco shoots her. But if Bosco dies the estate would go to Theo. Theo reaches inside Bosco’s waistcoat and causes him to shoot himself. If Theo dies the money goes to Regina. Theo shoots himself. Regina opens the safe and a cannon pops out to kill her. Then Morris gets up, in perfect health.
They finish the show with a mini-musical featuring the songs of Cole Porter. But they do it in 18th Century costume with musical and vocal inflections from that era. It begins with a minuet to the tune of “Anything Goes” from the 1934 musical of the same name. Carol and Roddy sing “It’s De-Lovely” from the 1936 musical Red Hot and Blue while passing out hors d’oeuvres. But Roddy is kissing some of the women so Carol sings “Why Can’t You Behave?” from the 1948 musical Kiss Me Kate (for which Porter won two Tony Awards) . Harvey and Vicki arrive (perhaps they are King Louis and Marie Antoinette). Harvey sings “Love For Sale” from the 1930 musical The New Yorkers (the song was banned from many radio stations in its day) . Then he and Vicki sing “Let’s Do It Let’s Fall In Love” from the 1928 musical Paris. Carol responds to Harvey with “I Hate Men” from Kiss Me Kate. Harvey takes her in his arms and returns to “Love For Sale” and they walk away arm in arm. Vicki sings to Roddy “All of You” from the from the 1955 musical Silk Stockings. Roddy sings to her “Let’s Be Buddies” from Anything Goes. Vicki returns to “All of You” while bouncing on his lap. He sings “You Do Something to Me” from the 1929 musical Fifty Million Frenchmen. Carol stumbles back into the room without Harvey but with her clothing somewhat in disarray as she sings, “Just One of Those Things” from the 1935 musical Jubilee. Roddy joins in the same song, changing his affections from Vicki to Carol. Harvey comes in and grabs Carol from behind while Vicki does the same to Roddy. Carol and Roddy sing to each other, and Vicki and Harvey to each other, “Always True to You In My Fashion” from Kiss Me Kate. Everyone returns to “Anything Goes”. Carol and Roddy sing “From This Moment On” from Kiss Me Kate. Then everybody finishes with “Anything Goes”.
Cole Porter was raised on a 750 acre fruit ranch. He began studying piano when he was 8 at the Marion Conservatory. He started writing songs at the age of 10 and his first was “Song of the Birds”. He entered Yale in 1909 and joined the glee club, eventually becoming president. He brought an upright piano with him to school. He published his first song “Bridget McGuire” in 1910. He wrote over 300 songs at Yale alone. As a football cheerleader he wrote the football fight songs “Yale Bulldog Song” and “Bingo Eli Yale”, which are still sung there. He graduated with a BA. His first song to be sung on Broadway was “Esmerelda” for the 1915 revue Hands Up. His first Broadway production was the 1916 flop See America First. he moved to Paris during WWI and claimed to have joined the French Foreign Legion, which the Legion itself claims to be true. He is said to have entertained the troops with a portable piano that he carried on his back. All through the war he maintained a luxury apartment in Paris where he held decadent parties. He studied music composition in Paris. In 1919 he married the very wealthy Linda Lee Thomas who knew he was gay and they threw lavish parties in their home in Paris. His first big hit was “Old Fashioned Garden” from the 1919 revue Hitchy Koo. In 1923 he inherited millions from his grandfather and he and Linda moved to Venice into the former home of Elizabeth and Robert Browning. They once hired the entire Ballet Russes for a party. His ballet Within the Quota was one of the earliest symphonic jazz based compositions. They built an extravagant floating nightclub that could accommodate 100 guests for their spectacular balls. Paris in 1928 was his first hit Broadway musical. He wrote “Let’s Misbehave” for the show but it was dropped. His 1929 show Wake Up and Dream was a hit in London but less so in New York because of the stock market crash. His 1929 show Fifty Million Frenchmen was bombing until Irving Berlin saved it with a great review. Gay Divorce in 1932 featured the song “Night and Day” and was adapted into the film The Gay Divorcee. He considered his 1934 show Anything Goes (containing “I Get a Kick Out of You” and “You’re the Top”, along with his later one Kiss Me Kate to be his two perfect shows. Anything Goes featured Ethel Merman whose voice he loved. He wrote many songs with her voice in mind. In 1934 he wrote “Don’t Fence Me In” but it wasn’t a hit until it was sung by Roy Rogers in 1944. In 1937 he was injured in a horseback riding accident and confined to a wheelchair for five years, during which time wrote Broadway musicals. His 1938 show Leave It To Me featured “My Heart Belongs to Daddy”. In 1939 as WWII was beginning he and Linda closed down their Paris home and moved their things to the Berkshire Mountains in Massachusetts. He kept an apartment in the Waldorf Astoria Tower in New York from 1939 to 1964. His 1940 show Panama Hattie ran for 501 performances. His 1941 show Let’s Face It ran for 547 performances. In 1948 Kiss Me Kate ran for 1,077 performances. Linda died in 1954. In 1958 his right leg was amputated. He hated it when singers changed his lyrics such as Frank Sinatra doing “I Get a Kick Out of You” and adding “Ya give me a boot”. he wrote over 900 songs. His estate continues to earn more than $3 million a year, which is divided among various relatives.
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