Carol Haney

            On Thursday after midnight I lint rolled the top of my bed and a couple of little red spots appeared indicating I’d crushed some nymphs. I added some more carpet tape to the middle of the wall edge of my mattress because it keeps lifting there. I went to bed at around 1:40 and slept fairly well. After yoga I found a bedbug under the mattress and another stuck to the tape on the floor at the head of my bed. 

            I ran through singing and playing “Venez donc voir” (“Come On and See”) by Boris Vian in French. I translated the first verse and should have the whole song done on Friday. 

            I published “Lovers Are a Pinball Game”, my translation of “Les filles c'est un flipper” by Serge Gainsbourg on my Christian’s Translations blog and posted the lyrics on Facebook. I looked for the next unfinished song in my Gainsbourg translation project and in the 1975 document found “La Biche aux yeux clairs” (The Doe with Clear Eyes) but there is no video for that song because apparently it was never released. Next then is “La fille aux claquettes” (The Tap Dancing Girl), which was recorded by Jane Birkin and does have audio online. I’ll start learning that tomorrow. 

            I weighed 90.95 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer during song practice for the first of two sessions and it stayed in tune most of the time. 

            I was told two weeks ago that a bylaw officer would be engaged with my complaint about the bedbugs within ten days. I sent an email to point that out. 

            I weighed 91.65 kilos before lunch, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since August 22. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco where the red grapes were super cheap but most of them were too soft. I picked through them and got three bags. Their green grapes were not on sale but I had a No Frills flyer for a price almost as cheap as the red grapes so I got four bags. I bought some bananas, a jug of orange juice, a jar of salsa and a lint roller. 

            I weighed 91.1 at 18:25. That’s the easiest I’ve been on the scale in the evening since September 1. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:35. 

            I had a potato with gravy and three pork ribs while watching season 4, episode 36 of The Garry Moore Show. 

            The show begins with a musical number as The Ernie Flatt Dancers lip sync the voices of The George Becker Singers as they perform a song about the sailing season. Then Garry and his guests Carol Haney and Alan King come out. Carol Burnett comes out last and then the two Carols sing a verse of the song to Garry. 

            Alan King does a stand-up routine while smoking a cigarette. He says he’s smoking Winston because that’s the sponsor and he wants to be back next year. He says three weeks ago he went with his wife to Florida for a six day vacation. He changes the names of the airlines because of a court order and because he wants Garry to have a restful summer. He picked Atlantic Airlines to leave at 12:01. For resort areas passengers have to arrive one hour before take off. His wife has 12 bags even though they are only going for six days and Alan has to pay a $93 overweight fee. When he gets there he learns that the aircraft for his flight is being serviced. At 15:00 his wife is blaming him because the airline is late. After four hours they are still servicing the aircraft. He is told North South Airlines has a plane leaving in 38 minutes and they think they can get them on. On these flights there is one person sitting alone in first class while people are piled up on top of each other in economy class. They say they are holding the flight for him but now he has to get the 12 bags back from Atlantic to load them on North South. But when you give your bags to one airline they go down a belt and there is an incinerator at the other end. Idlewild (Now JFK) Airport has individual terminals. You can’t walk from one airline to the other because they are half a kilometer apart. Taxis line up in front of each terminal to take passengers to New York. Alan and his wife with their bags jump into a cab and tell the driver “North South Airlines”. The cabbies are not used to such short trips and he says, “It’s just over there!” “I know where it is! I want you to take me there!”. “I’ll lose my place in line!” “I’ll keep your place and you can take my wife to Florida!” The trip costs 35 cents but Alan gives him a dollar. “If you hadn’t had such a big mouth I’d have given you $2” he tells him though he wouldn’t have given him $2 but he wanted to aggravate him. They run and make it onto the plane. Right on time the plane taxis to the runway. Then they stop and sit there for 45 minutes. It starts to taxi again and then stops for an hour and a half. Then the pilot announces they are going back to the hanger for repairs. Scott Carpenter went around the world 82 times in the time Alan spent at the airport. Alan is told Atlantic has a flight leaving in 20 minutes. They jump into a cab and guess who the driver is. Alan says, “Atlantic Airlines” The cab driver is shocked to see him. “Where were you?” “I went to Florida but didn’t like the climate so I came back!” 

            Garry asks Marian Lorne where she’s going for summer vacation. She says she’s going to Rome to see the ruins like the catacombs, the coliseum, and Richard Burton. 

            Garry says their summer replacement will be a show called Talent Scouts hosted by Jim Backus. He brings Jim out to say hello. Garry tells him his favourite of his characters is Mr. Magoo and he asks how he ever came up with such a near sighted character. Jim puts on his Magoo voice and says, “I’d know you anywhere George Gobel.” Then he leaves as Carol Burnett comes out and he calls her John Wayne. 

            Carol is dressed like a southern belle and she sings Garry a song: “Love your chubby figure, every little ounce. You’re the prime example of it’s what’s up front that counts.” 

            Carol leaves to change for the next sketch and Garry whispers to the audience that they have a surprise for them, for Carol and for all but five or six members of the cast. He says for four years Carol has never been at a loss to find a way to recover a sketch when things go wrong. He says, “All this week we have been rehearsing a sketch starring Carol in which she finds a bag of money in a taxi. Durward, Carol, and I have been rehearsing it straight the same as usual all week. But unknown to Carol, afterwards Durward and I have rehearsed the sketch in an entirely different way. When she comes in with the bag and tries to open it, from that point on every cue will be wrong."

            The sketch opens with Durward at home dusting when he hears a news report that a man left $10,000 (which would have the spending power today of $100,000) in the back seat of a taxi in a blue and white striped canvas bag. Carol comes in, nervously holding a blue and white striped canvas bag. She tries to open it to show him but it won’t unzip. He tells her he knows there’s $10,000 inside and she’s surprised. Durward says it belongs to someone else so there’s nothing else to do but call Mexican Airlines. Carol looks puzzled but she picks up the phone. However the cord has been cut. She says she wants to go to Mexico and lie in the sun. He says, “Your conscience would hurt you but the rest of you would feel wonderful!” Carol is puzzled again because that wasn’t in the script but finally agrees. He takes the bag from her and says he’s taking it to the police. Again Carol is surprised. He leaves with the bag but comes back through another door and says, “I must be out of my mind!” Carol says, “I think so!” Durward hides the bag behind the drapes even though it’s easily seen there. The window shade rolls up suddenly and she shouts, “”He did it!” They calm down until suddenly there’s a knock on the door as they panic and keep tossing the bag back and forth. She stuffs the bag under her sweater but Durward says that won’t work. He puts it under the rug even though it’s a big conspicuous lump in the middle of the floor. Carol answers the door but nobody’s there and she’s confused. 

            Then Garry walks in and Carol starts jumping up and down. he says, “Remember all week how we’ve been rehearsing this sketch?” She says, “I think so!” He tells her they changed it just to see how she’d handle herself. She’s laughing and hugs them both. He says he bet they couldn’t throw Carol and they didn’t because she kept the sketch moving. 

            At the gathering of the cast and guests at the end, Garry announces that this is Carol’s final show as a regular cast member but she is going to be back as often as possible next year, “And we certainly want her whenever we can get her. It’s been a marvellous four years!” he hugs her. 

            Carol Haney was a dancer from the age of 5 and even before she finished high school she opened a dance studio to teach lessons. During WWII she moved to Hollywood where she became the assistant and dance partner of Jack Cole. In 1950 she became an assistant to Gene Kelly. The dancing part played by Cyd Charisse in Singin in the Rain was originally intended for her to play. She won a Tony for her performance in The Pajama Game, which was her first speaking part. She reprised her role in the film adaptation. In addition to the Tony she won she was nominated for three others for Best Choreographer for Flower Drum Song, Bravo Giovanni, and Funny Girl. A month into The Pajama Game on Broadway she hurt her ankle and Shirley MacLaine took over on a night when Hollywood Producer Hal Wallis had come to see Haney. That’s what launched Shirley into stardom. Carol Haney died six months after this episode of The Garry Moore Show aired.