George Schlatter

            On Saturday after midnight I added some fresh carpet tape to parts of the edge of my bed that had gotten less sticky. I lint rolled the curtains between the bedroom and the living room and caught a few bedbugs, then lint rolled the top of my bed and my pillow and found a couple more. I shook out my top sheet and my comforter on the deck. I went to bed around 1:35 and slept until just before 4:00 when I had to pee and noticed bedbugs all over me. After peeing I lint rolled my bed again and must have picked up about 30 bedbugs. I went back to bed but couldn’t sleep. After yoga I noticed quite a few bedbugs stuck to the tape and a couple crawling free. When they get stuck it’s usually on the edge of the tape and it’s often the ones that have already fed on my blood and get caught leaving the restaurant without paying. 

            I memorized the first two verses of “Elle voulait toucher du pognon” (She Wanted Change for the Toilet) by Boris Vian. 

            I worked out the chords for a little more than half of the chorus of “La fille aux claquettes” (The Tap Dancing Girl) by Serge Gainsbourg. There are little instrumental bits after each line so it takes more time. 

            I weighed 90.65 kilos before breakfast. I played my Martin during song practice for the third of four sessions and it went out of tune all the time. 

            Around midday I rode to No Frills where all the grapes were too soft. There were watermelons but they weren’t from Canada. They were from the States but the state of Michigan, which is against Trump’s tariffs so I guess it’s not so bad. I got two watermelons, a pack of blueberries, some bananas, a pack of chicken legs, a strawberry-rhubarb pie, mouthwash, some medium Ziploc bags, a jug of lemonade, a jug of orange juice, two containers of skyr, and some wedge fries. 

            I weighed 91.15 kilos at 14:40. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of lemonade. 

            I took a siesta and got up too late to take a bike ride. 

            I weighed 91.2 kilos at 17:25. 

            I was still three days behind in my journal and worked on catching up. 

            I made pizza on a slice of 7 grain sandwich bread with marinara, tomato pesto, two chopped slices of ham, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore while watching part 1 of a 2012 cast reunion of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            When Carol first called Vicki she told her she was coming to see her compete for Miss Fireball. Carol told her she was very pregnant and didn’t want to be seen so she asked for seats in the back so she could slip in and out. The organizer didn’t believe Vicki when she told him Carol Burnett was coming. It was at the Hollywood Park Race Track. It was the Firemen’s Ball with an 1890s firehouse theme. There were 8 girls in the competition with two cancan numbers, and Vicki had her individual talent where she played the guitar with a kazoo strapped around her neck. Vicki won the contest. The organizer announced that Carol was there. That was November and two months later Carol gave birth. Vicki was on her way to a recording session with The Young Americans when she decided to stop at the hospital and bring Carol some flowers. The nurses thought Vicki was Carol’s sister Chrissie so they let her in right away. Carol told her she was going to call her when she got her tummy back. Vicki got the call at the end of her senior year in high school. By coincidence, Carol’s manager saw Vicki singing with the Young Americans on The Andy Williams Show and called Carol, saying he’d found the girl to play her sister on her new show. 

            Carol says when they did the mini-musicals Ken and Mitzi Welch would write a whole story around the works of a certain composer and or lyricist like George and Ira Gershwin. 

            Vicki could read music but Carol made up her own musical shorthand. 

            When the Jackson 5 were on the show there was an earthquake. 

            Lyle says somebody gave Harvey a gold chain with the letter H on the end and they called it “the Preparation H Award for the biggest pain in the ass”. 

            Vicki says she got to touch the golden age of television because Carol’s show was the last show of that age. 

            Carol hired the very best people and then just let them fly. 

            Tim says George Schlatter was doing a show with John Wayne and Tim as guests. Tim asked George if it would be funny if he called John “The Duck” instead of “The Duke”? George said John Wayne has a great sense of humour. When Tim tried it John broke a picture, a bottle, and a breakaway chair over his head. Carol says she never met John Wayne. 

            They all sing Carol’s theme together. 

            George Schlatter was the creator and executive producer of Laugh-In and Real People. He established The American Comedy Awards. He co-wrote and produced Sinatra: 80 Years My Way. He won 5 Emmy Awards out of 25 nominations. He produced the first five years of The Grammy Awards. He wrote the book Still Laughing: A Life in Comedy. When he wrote a script for The Jackie Gleason Show Jackie threw it up in the air and said, “This is shit!” The next day he presented Gleason with the exact same script and he said, “That’s a lot better.” He said Jackie Gleason and Red Skelton were not nice people. Red Buttons and Bob Hope were murder on writers but Jack Benny was not. He wrote Victor Borge’s 20th anniversary in 1971. He produced the first five episodes of The Judy Garland Show. He co-wrote, produced and directed the movie Norman Is That You?