I translated all but the last three lines of “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg. I’ll finish that tomorrow and start working out the chords.
I weighed 89.25 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since last Saturday.
I played my Martin during song practice and as usual it went out of tune during every song.
Around midday I rode to Freedom Mobile to pay for my June phone plan. Then I went to No Frills where the grapes were super cheap but too soft so I didn’t get any. If I run out I’ll just get some at Freshco and price match them with the No Frills price. I got a pack of raspberries, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, a pork loin that I wouldn’t have gotten if I’d remembered to check that it was from the US ( Why does Hog Town need to import pork anyway?), a loaf of multigrain sandwich bread, mouthwash, a jug of limeade, two small jugs of orange juice, and two containers of skyr.
I weighed 90.7 kilos at 14:30. That’s the easiest I’ve been on the scale in the early afternoon since May 22. I had a toasted Montreal style bagel with peanut butter and four-year-old cheddar and a glass of lemonade.
I took a siesta from 15:15 to 16:45. By the time I was ready to leave it was too late for a bike ride downtown so I just rode to Ossington and Bloor.
I weighed 90.45 kilos at 18:00.
I was behind on my journal and worked on getting caught up. I was still behind at suppertime.
I made pizza on naan with marinara, black olive paste, tomato pesto, a chopped New Zealand grass-fed beef burger, and four-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 7, episode 23 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup someone asks Carol if she’s gone streaking yet. She says, “No, I think there’s enough violence on television”.
Someone asks her favourite character. Two episodes ago she answered that it was Charo but now she says it’s the character she’s debuting tonight, based on her grandmother.
Someone asks her favourite colour and she says yellow.
She brings special guest Roddy McDowall out and his comes in the full facial makeup that he wore as Caesar in the Planet of the Apes films and TV series. Carol acts as if she’s surprised and disturbed while Roddy pretends everything is normal, even after she shows him in the monitor. She asks if there’s a movie that has influenced him and he says there is and he’d like to do a scene from it. She expects him to do something from Planet of the Apes but he recites come lines he delivered as Octavian in Cleopatra. She sings “Exactly Like You” by Jimmy McHugh and Dorothy Fields from the 1930 Broadway show Lew Leslie’s International Revue. He sings “She’s Funny That Way” by Neil Moret and Richard Whiting from the from the 1929 film Gems of MGM. They sing “They Didn’t Believe Me” by Jerome Kern and and Herbert Reynolds from the 1914 musical The Girl from Utah. He sings “Tea for Two” by Vincent Youmans and Irving Caesar from the 1924 musical Non No Nanette. She sings “Speak Low” by Kurt Weill and Ogden Nash from the 1943 musical One Touch of Venus. They sing “So in Love” by Cole Porter from the 1948 musical Kiss Me Kate. She says Roddy was such a good sport to prepare for that number since it takes him 3 and a half hours to get into his ape makeup. He shows a little film of how the makeup is applied.
We see the historical first sketch of Mama’s Family featuring Vicki as Mama, Carol as Eunice and Harvey as Ed. They are a southern US family and in this skit Roddy plays Eunice’s brother Phil who has been away for five years and is now world famous with a Nobel Prize and a Pulitzer Prize for his new book on India. Ed tries to tell Phil about his job at the hardware store but Eunice tells him they don’t want to hear it. Mama comes out and embraces Phil but almost immediately starts arguing with Eunice and forgets about Phil until Eunice’s doctor is part of the arguments and Mama says she wouldn’t take her dong to him. Suddenly Eunice is cheerful again and tells Phil he’s got to see Mama’s poodle Topaz. mama takes Phil on her lap to tell him about her dog. Phil is about to tell them about India when Eunice mentions what Topaz is doing in the bedroom and so everybody goes to look. Phil starts to invite Mama on a trip to Europe but she interrupts to complain about Eunice putting the lemonade on the antique coffee table. Phil has to leave for England soon because he has an interview with Princess Anne. Eunice tells him to call it off so he can see her house. Mama wants to know if Prince Charles is really in love with Grace Kelly’s daughter. But as soon as Phil starts talking Mama gets up and walks away. Ed asks if he’s going to keep up this book writing thing. Eunice suggests he could get a job with the local paper and then he wouldn’t have to go to India. Phil argues that there are so many interesting characters in India. Ed tells him they got a bald woman right here on our block if you want characters. Eunice says she’d like to write about her but Mama tells her she couldn’t write her way out of a paper bag because Phil’s the only one in the family with any talent. Mama goes into the bedroom and Eunice shouts bitterly at her until Mama comes out to say, “Wait till you see what that dog is doing and suddenly everybody’s back to being delighted by Topaz. Phil says it’s time for him to go and they all almost indifferently turn from the dog to acknowledge Phil before looking at the poodle again. Phil asks Mama if she’s like a copy of his book but Mama says she’s got so many books she doesn’t know where to put them. He says, “So long!” and they all say “Shhhh!”
Harvey and Lyle are carpenters who are supposed to be building a house but they are discussing how women are trying to do men’s jobs. Lyle says wouldn’t it be funny if their new helper was a broad? Then Carol shows up as their new helper but they don’t see her yet. Harvey says the first thing she’d want to put up is the curtains. Carol gets to work while Harvey prepares to nail a board but he puts the nails in his mouth and Lyle says it’s disgusting. Then Harvey breaks a fingernail. The men argue about this and that until Carol announces that she’s finished the job. She offers to buy them a beer but they are uncomfortable going to McGuinty’s with her until she takes off her overalls and is wearing a mini-dress. Then they are all for it.
The Jackson 5 perform the 1973 song “Dancing Machine” by Hal Davis, Don Fletcher, and Dean Parks. Michael Jackson still has his original nose. He performs “the robot” dance, which became extremely popular as a result. I still see a middle aged guy busking in front of Eaton Centre and his whole schtick is doing the robot.
Harvey, Carol, Vicki, and Lyle are all sitting on a bench at a bus stop when the phone in the booth behind them starts ringing. They discuss how strange it is to hear a phone booth ringing. Vicki says she heard about it happening once when a radio announcer randomly dialled a number that just happened to be a public phone. Somebody on the street picked it up, answered a simple question and won $2500. The phone rings again and they all rush for the booth, fighting to get to the phone. They agree to split the money if it’s a contest and Vickie answers the phone but the caller has already hung up. They discuss how absurd it is to have hoped it was a quiz show. The bus doesn’t seem to be coming so they start to go in their separate directions when the phone rings and they all rush for it. After a little struggle they agree they are still partners and Carol answers. It turns out to really be the Dial a Buck radio show and the question is, “How many letters are in the headline of the Daily Globe today. They all run for the garbage can where the paper was thrown and count the letters while a drunk comes by and stops at the phone booth to check the coin slot. He then hangs up the phone. They all start crying.
In a tea room in England Carol is sitting reading a book. Roddy comes and asks “Taken?” She says, “No”. Their entire conversation consists of single word sentences. “Intruding?” “No.” She almost knocks a pot over and says, “Clumsy”. He says “Untrue”. “True.” “Graceful.” “Please!” “Sorry.” “Forgiven.” “Married?” “Yes!” “Sorry.” “You?” “What?” “Married?” “Yes.” “Lovely.” “Mmmm.” “Children?” “Two.” “Three.” “Lovely.” “Please!” “Sorry.” “Hillary.” “Rex.” “Majestic!” “Inappropriate!” “Suitable.” “Happy?” “No!” “Why?” “Busy!” “Neglectful?” “Yes!” “Idiot!” “Don’t!” “Sorry!” “You?” “What?” “Happy?” “No.” “Wife?” “Frigid!” “Nooo!” “Affair!” “Affair?” “Yes!” “Us?” “Please!” “Impossible!” “Rubbish!” “Immoral!” “True.” “Going!” “Now?” “Must!” “Please!” “Must!” “Hillary, whatever you do, don’t look back!” “Chatterbox!” and she leaves.
At Glendale Music School The Jackson 5 and the dancers are students. It is announced that Sylvia Newton is the substitute teacher today. She says she’s going to show that learning to read music is fun. It can be very helpful in your life if you’re going to be a rock and roll star like Frankie Laine. Most of the Jackson 5 ask, “Who’s he?” Michael says, “I think he’s one of those old singers like David Cassidy. Sylvia says, “Just think of the notes as people and the lines of the staff as their home. Mr. A is sharp. Mrs. B is flat. She asks, “If Mr. A and Mrs. B get married what happens?” Someone says, “They give birth to the Blues!” Sylvia says “No! They give birth to baby C”. A sharp and a flat make a natural. She gets them to follow her in a song: “ABC”. Then she teaches about rests and beats. “Rest 2-3-4 Awake 2-3-4…” She gets the class to go “Rest clap, rest clap, rest clap” repeatedly while she sings the English children’s folk song “This Old Man”. Each member of The Jackson 5 sings a verse. Then Carol Sylvia joins in as they sing their 1970 hit “ABC” by the Corporation (Barry Gordy, Alphonso Mizell, Freddie Perren, and Deke Richards).
The Jackson 5 were Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon, and Michael. They were managed by their father Joe Jackson. They formed their first group in 1963 with 5 year old Michael playing congas. They won their first talent show in 1966. They performed for a few years on the Chitlin Circuit until they signed with Steeltown Records in 1967. They signed with Motown in 1968 and were the first group to debut with four consecutive number 1 hits: “I Want You Back”, “ABC”, “The Love You Save”, and “I’ll Be There”. They left Motown in 1978 after learning they were earning only 2.8% of the royalties from their record sales, and had to change their name to The Jacksons because Barry Gordy owned the rights to The Jackson 5. Their last album with Michael was Victory in 1984 and it was their biggest selling album. The Jackson 5 made white people feel better about black families.
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