Social Worker

            I woke up at about 4:55 on Wednesday to the sound of a giant milk bottle being continuously stricken by a humongous drumstick. There was some kind of a computer glitch in the traffic light/walk signal at Queen and Dunn. The synthetic hollow bottle sound is not one of the two main audio signals for pedestrians. Maybe it’s the locator signal for the vision impaired, but it’s not supposed to be going on over and over. It also looked to me as if the Queen Street light was frozen in green. Later on I saw that either wasn’t the case or that the light problem had been fixed remotely while the annoying sound continued all through the morning.

            It seems that every day this cold virus has a different flavour. My muscles were very achy this time and I felt strangely weaker than I’ve felt for the last couple of days, though it seemed to be more of a physical weakness than brain exhaustion like I had over the weekend.

            I had an appointment that morning with my social worker. Riding my bike up the hill to Dundas and Lansdowne felt like I was an old man trying to make the trip in a rocking chair. I have a lot less traffic confidence when I’m sick, but once I got rolling I had no problem making the left turn onto Dundas.

            I’ve never seen the Social Services office so empty. I sat reading “Autobiography of Red” when I wasn’t nodding off. Anne Carson is a very impressive story telling poet.

            My worker signalled me a little late. I gave her the info she wanted, signed some papers and I was on my way. I noticed with amusement though that the mini computer tower in the interview cubicle was locked in a casing that’s secured to the desk. I wondered if clients have actually at some previous point grabbed the computers and run with them.

            I stopped at No Frills on the way home where I bought grapes, orange juice and a very heavy tray of a pork loin combo of various cuts that was on sale. I also bought some mouthwash to use with my waterpic.

            For the first time since I’ve been sick I only took one siesta in the afternoon, which is what I would have done anyway if I weren’t feeling ill.

            I cooked the pork that I’d bought earlier that day, but since there was so much of it I had to grill some in the oven and fry the chops on top of the stove. Then I cut up the chops and added the meat to some water and ramen style noodle soup mix. It wasn’t as spicy as the kimchi-flavoured noodles I’d made before, so I had to add a lot of General Tso’s hot sauce.

            I watched three more episodes of South Park.

            In show number four, Denmark, in retaliation for the suicide of one of their former Olympians, has announced that it is developing a system that will automatically track down, identify and post the picture of every troll on the internet. Meanwhile Gerald Brovlofsky, formerly “Skankhunt42”, goes under the bridge to meet the person who’d left him the note that read, “I know who you are”. It turns out to be another troll who tells Gerald that he is famous and the best troll he’s ever seen. Gerald doesn’t want to have anything to do with him and so he leaves. The troll persists several times over the next few days until he finally has a chance to show Gerald what the Danish are planning. Gerald is shocked and declares, “I’m dead!” The troll assures him that there is hope and takes him blindfolded to a secret meeting of other trolls.

Meanwhile, the girls blame all boys for internet trolling and retaliate by cutting them off romantically. Even Butters’s long distance Canadian girlfriend breaks up with him in solidarity with her sisters to the south. This drives Butters over the edge and so he becomes the leader of a new protest during the national anthem that involves boys pulling their pants down to show their wieners and then raising their fists.

Gerald’s wife Sheila confronts him about his recent strange behaviour. He lies to her that he’s been watching porn on the internet so he was keeping it a secret. She insists that it’s always been all right with her that he watches porn. He lies again, “But this is different!” “Why? Is it because it’s not normal porn?” He’s relieved that she’s helping him lie, “Right!” “Like, something really embarrassing?” “It’s REALLY embarrassing!” “Tell me!” He struggles to make something up and tells her, “It’s … piss porn!” “Would you like me to pee on you?” No!” “You only like watching other women pee? Because they’re pretty?” “No!” The only way he can save his ass now is to say, “I … want you to!” So the next thing we see is them in bed and her urinating on him while he pretends to like it.

In the fifth show, Mr Garrison is about to begin another presidential rally speech when one of his handlers urges him to be careful what he says about women. It suddenly dawns on him that this is how he can sabotage his own election, so after a few slurs against Muslims and Mexicans he spends the rest of his speech insulting women. When women begin walking out he calls after them, “You would’a been okay with the fuck all the Muslims and the Mexicans to death but fingers in women’s asses didn’t do it for ya?”

Meanwhile, Denmark is trying to raise money to get their anti-troll system off the ground and so Eric and his new girlfriend Heidi are trying to help by organizing a fundraiser called “Danishes for Denmark”. They announce this to a school assembly and are so lovey dovey with one another that it causes some girls in the audience to throw up.

Throughout this season there is the back-story of a super fruit called “member berries” that everyone has become addicted to. Each berry speaks in a cute little voice about things that people are nostalgic about such as some old TV show, movie or song, but they sometimes let little bigoted statements slip out as well such as, “Member when there were no Mexicans around?” Stan’s father Randy figures out that the member berries are the cause of the current vitriolic political climate and forms an addiction group so people can talk about the effects of the fruit. Mr Garrison, while trying to evade an angry mob stumbles onto the group, sits down and begins to confess how he screwed everything up. Randy calmly explains to him that it’s not his fault and that it’s the member berries that have caused all the ugliness. He says that the country has to face that the new Star Wars was not as good as everyone thought it was. Then he implies that J. J. Abrams is responsible for the entire horrible election campaign.

Gerald and his team of trolls throw a spanner in Denmark’s anti troll plans by spreading a false rumour that Lego has been funding ISIS. But just as Denmark is about to give up, they get a video conference call from Eric and Heidi. Heidi has a plan to figure out who the trolls are.

In the sixth story, Heidi has narrowed down the search for “Skankhunt42” with a system she’s developed that follows social network user’s patterns of using emojis. Skankhunt42’s emojis were too archaic and not elegant enough to be those of the child so it had to be an adult. She also found that they didn’t match those of the teachers either and so Skankhunt42 had to be one of the parents. When Kyle gets Eric alone though he reminds him that Heidi’s system, when combined the Danish computers could also reveal his internet history to her. He suddenly remembers what he tweeted when he walked out of a movie not too long ago: “Chicks ruined Ghostbusters!” He wouldn’t want her to see that.

Meanwhile the other troll, “Dildo Shwaggins” keeps on trying to connect with Gerald because they had been such a good team. Gerald insists he doesn’t want to be friends and that he’s not even really a troll. He just does it for fun. Dildo doesn’t believe that a troll with Gerald’s skill would only be doing it for fun. He asks how he’d feel if someone photoshopped a dick in his wife’s mouth like he had done to all those women he’d trolled. He answers, “You mean like on my screensaver?” He shows that that’s exactly the image that he keeps on his own phone. Suddenly Dildo realizes that Gerald really isn’t a troll, but that he’s just an asshole.

Denmark makes its first attack on Fort Collins, Colorado. Suddenly everyone knows what everyone there has done online and who they really are. One of the trolls that helped Gerald troll Denmark is exposed. A man with a quadriplegic daughter confronts him because he had referred to his daughter online as “R2D2”. The man then splashes him with gasoline, sets him on fire and burns him to death.

Mr Garrison broadcast a plea to his supporters and urges them to vote for Hillary Clinton to send the message that “The Force Awakens was more like a Happy Days reunion special than a movie.

Just as Hillary starts to think she’s got the election in the bag, her handlers come to tell her that the only one that can save her campaign is Skankhunt42.