December 13, 1993: When I shouted the last line of my song "Instructions for Electroshock Therapy" everybody jumped

Thirty years ago today

            On Monday I worked at Central Technical School all day, then I went to Angeline’s place. We talked and took a walk, then went to Crickets early for the final night of their open stage. I performed before Angeline and I did “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy”: 

Plug the female end of the cord into the place where it’s meant to go 

Plug the male end into any old available electric hole 

Now flick the switch the light is green 

We just wait while we warm up the machine 

We’re wearing white and we’re feeling clean for shock therapy 

We’ll strap their legs and their arms for shock therapy 

They can’t do any harm without their memory 

Shock therapy 

And if you think someone’s insane 

why don’t you drive some lightning through their brain? 

They won’t remember who to blame 

for shock therapy 

Undress the patient and then lay them down just like a sacrifice 

To avoid any bruises let no metal touch the skin that’s my advice

Now take a razor to shave the hair 

around the temples and rub electrode-jelly there 

Put some on the electrodes we’ll be soon prepared

for shock therapy 

Under fluorescent glow 

Shock therapy 

You know their flesh looks so cold under that phantom gleam 

for shock therapy 

We dance some sparks through twisted wires 

and randomly black out the stars 

Best of all it doesn’t leave any scars 

Shock therapy

Insert and fasten the mouthpiece so the patient won’t bite their tongue

Slip a pillow underneath the back to reduce the spinal motion 

Now turn the shock-power switch on

and rotate the dial to choose the voltage you want 

and serve another cold meal in the restaurant 

of shock therapy 

Let’s fry some frontal lobes

with shock therapy 

Add some gelled electrodes to the recipe 

of shock therapy 

But the best way it will work 

is with a tight rubber belt to hold those spastic jerks 

Let’s burn up the temples and raise the church 

of shock therapy 

Keep in mind that every patient has a different convulsive threshold 

so start at three-tenths of a second at ten or twenty volts 

But the voltage on the screen

is not the voltage in the human being 

so let’s meditate upon the golden mean 

of shock therapy

Multiply the patient’s current by the machine’s resistance 

then subtract from the meter voltage is all of this making sense? 

Now push the start-shock button on 

and keep your finger there until the shock is done 

secure the jaw and force the shoulders down

for shock therapy 

We’re looking for the threshold

in shock therapy

but if a convulsion has not been reached 

with shock therapy

either the threshold has not been found 

or a delayed attack is coming around 

in ten to twenty seconds on the killing ground

of shock therapy 

If unconsciousness follows the charge a delayed attack will come

but if you’re edging for a grande mal seizure just raise the voltage some 

Two-hundred and fifty volts

at point-one seconds brings a hell of a jolt 

so it helps us to remember it’s the patient’s fault 

in shock therapy 

To push a grande mal seizure

shock therapy

you know it couldn’t be easier

reach it right away 

Shock therapy 

Just two-hundred volts 

at point-fifteen seconds makes them shake like Jell-O 

though for the rest of their lives they might be walking slow 

from shock therapy 

For details on injections of amytal and other drugs 

just in case you want to reduce the violence of these convulsions 

refer to current literature 

Let’s open our books to page thirty-four 

as we all join together now to sing a prayer 

to shock therapy 

            Angeline told me later that everybody jumped when I shouted the last line. 

            Mary Milne drove us back to Angeline’s and she came in for coffee. I spent the night and Angeline and I made love.