Charles Aidman

            On Saturday morning I sang through my translation of “Calypso Blues” by Boris Vian and adjusted the translation. It's now ready to upload to Christian's Translations. 

            I memorized the first two verses and the chorus of “Mister Iceberg” by Serge Gainsbourg. There's just one verse left and I should have it nailed down on Sunday. 

            Yesterday I scratched the side of the tip of my left middle finger while cleaning the oven door. During song practice it didn’t bother me for most of my songs but on a couple I play some instrumental parts in which some strings rub against the cut. It hurt a bit but it didn’t open up. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos before breakfast. In the late morning I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor. When I got back I stopped to pee and my place and then went down to No Frills. Before I went in there was a guy who’d taken his shopping cart outside of the zone where the wheels don’t lock. He was looking so helpless that I grabbed hold and helped him get back to where the wheels turned. The store had no grapes so bought a case of mangoes. I also got a loaf of cinnamon-raisin bread, deodorant, shaving gel, an enormous pack of twelve paper towels because it was the only size of that brand they had, a jug of lemonade, another or grapefruit juice and Greek yogourt. It was a bit embarrassing at the cash because there were two too many mangoes in the case I’d picked, so I had to choose two for the cashier to remove. 

            Supposedly I weighed 87.5 kilos before lunch. I had saltines and five year old cheddar with a glass of lemonade for a late lunch. I took a siesta and slept a half an hour longer than usual.

            I worked on my poem series “My Blood in a Bug”. 

            I finished going through all of my hoarded electrical, computer and guitar cords and established a bundle that I could use to simulate a nest of snakes. I put the lazy Susan from the upper shelf in the bathroom on the kitchen floor with the bunch of cords on top of it. I took my electric jig saw and searched through all of my kitchen junk drawers for something to attach to the saw which will extend from it. After taking everything out of the bottom drawer and trying several things I settled on a plastic salad fork, of which the hanging hole at the end of the handle attaches nicely to the clamp and screw that would hold the blade of the saw if I had one. I attached to the fork the clamp and gooseneck that I’d kept from a broken lamp. I put that contraption on top of the lazy susan and under the cords. When I turned it on it was very loud but it did make the cords vibrate and slide. I decided that was enough for one day and so I put everything together but aside on the floor so I can approach it fresh on Sunday. The movement that I created could work to simulate life in short clips and once the end of a cord even poked up and bobbed a bit like the head of a snake but after a second or two the cords slide away from the machine. I would have to keep bunching the cords on top. But since I’d be editing the movie so the cords would be alternated with the snakes it wouldn’t have to be a steady film. I’d like to try to attach a thin, strong thread to the lazy susan so I can make it turn while shooting the video in the hallway to add extra motion. I also want to figure out how to make the fluorescent lights flicker while I’m shooting. Maybe I can do that by slightly unscrewing them. 

            For dinner I made pizza on naan with hot salsa for sauce, a cut up burger and cheap cheddar cheese. I had it with a beer while watching the first two episodes of the sixth season of The Andy Griffith Show. 

            This was the first colour season and they changed the opening segment. For the first five years they had the same the opener with Andy and a six year old Opie walking to go fishing. For the sixth season they show the same type of scene but with an eleven year old Opie, still barefoot and still throwing rocks into a pond. The biggest change is that Andy and Opie don’t hold hands but Andy instead puts his hand on Opie’s shoulder. 

            In the first story Opie wrecks his bike after riding with no hands to impress Sharon. Andy gets very pissed off about the money this would cost him and gives Opie a speech about responsibility. Opie decides to get a job but he has trouble finding one. Finally he learns that Mr Doakes the grocer is looking for help. When Opie goes to apply for the job another kid named Billy Crenshaw arrives at the same time. Doakes decides to have both boys work for him for one week and then he’ll choose the one that does the best. They are extremely competitive and both work very hard to win. Goober says some people are ordering extra groceries just to watch the race. At the end of the week Opie wins the job but when he learns that Billy wanted to work to help pay off the bills of his sick father, Opie deliberately gets himself fired. When Andy learns got fired he’s angry until he finds out why and then he’s proud of him. Andy gives Opie a job at the courthouse. 

            Billy was played by Johnny Bangert, who was a regular on the first season of the 1961 sitcom Margie. 

            In the second story a colleague of Helen’s who works for the school board out of Raleigh comes to Mayberry to work with Helen on setting up the new grading system for her school. The colleague turns out to be an attractive man named Frank Smith who has an intimidating amount of knowledge about everything. He has a PHD in history but he also teaches Opie how to throw a curve ball, can play Andy’s guitar better than Andy and knows more about cars than Goober. Before meeting Frank, Andy makes his special “punch supreme” out of the disgusting combination of orange sherbet, tomato juice and root beer. But Frank brings a bottle of fine wine. Previously that would have been against the law since Mayberry is in a dry county. After Helen breaks a date to work late with Frank, Andy confronts Helen and asks whom she wants to “run with”. Helen resents the term that Andy uses and is giving him an angry talking to when Andy grabs her and kisses her. Suddenly everything is fine again. 

            Frank was played by Charles Aidman, who started acting while training to be a naval officer during WWII. He was also a director, writer and composer. He adapted and acted in “Spoon River Anthology” by poet Edgar Lee Masters and the play continues to be performed. He filled in for Ross Martin on Wild Wild West for several episodes when he was sick. He was the narrator of the 80s version of The Twilight Zone.