Jamie Farr

            On Wednesday morning I finished posting my translation of “Aux armes et caetera” (To Arms Etcetera” by Serge Gainsbourg. Since this song is his adaptation of the French National Anthem it inspired me to do my own reworking and updating of "O Canada". I've translated the original French text, took out the religious claptrap and made it more aware of progressive Canadian ideals. So my project now is to learn the French version, learn how to play it and adjust my translation as it becomes more organic. It should be published before Canada Day. 

            I weighed 89.1 kilos before breakfast. 

            In the late morning I made a fourth effort at cleaning my oven. I used up three buckets of water with detergent. I used steel wool and a lot of baking soda and managed to scrub away the island of black caked in grease at the centre back of the bottom. There’s still a bit of blackness at the front of the bottom and a lot on the sides and back. 

            I weighed 89.1 kilos before lunch. I had tomato and five year old cheddar on a toasted Montreal style bagel. 

            In the afternoon I went out to the liquor store to get a six-pack of Creemore. 

            I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor. I weighed 88.8 kilos when I got home. 

            I went over to the corner store to buy a three-pack of garlic. 

            I worked on my poem series “My Blood in a Bug." 

            I imported to Movie Maker the last six of the video clips from my experiment with animating the pile of electrical cords. I cut out bits of most of them and deleted video 28 entirely. Right now the entire project containing the lightning, snake and cord clips is 8.5 minutes long. The cords take up almost eight minutes when I probably only need less than a minute and so the editing process of cutting all the cord clips down is going to take a few sessions. 

            I colourized a bit more of my skateboarder photo. 

            I steamed some frozen shrimp so I could remove the shells. I sautéed some chopped ginger and garlic. I put the shrimp in the frying pan with the ginger and garlic. I was going to add a pack of Asian noodles but I’ve had them for a long time and when I opened the pack they smelled rancid so I threw them out. Instead I used the noodles from ramen soup pack and added the flavour packet as well. I needed something to soften the noodles and so I added a can of Budweiser that’d been in my fridge for two years. I also added a packet of some kind of sweetened soy say based sauce that I’ve had for years. I put in a bit of Chinese chili sauce as well and let the beer evaporate bit. The end result was okay but not fantastic. I had my shrimp and noodles with a beer while watching two episodes of Andy Griffith.

            In the first story Andy and Helen come across a Roma camp and sees that they have a camp fire. Of course they are not called Roma in this story but rather Gypsies. He tells them that they are in a dry spell and warns them to be especially careful with fires. He also gets racist on them and tells them that if they start selling worthless junk in Mayberry they will have to move on. They say they won’t but they do. One of the men goes door to door with earrings and convinces Bee and later Clara that they resemble a legendary Roma queen and sells each of them the same one of a kind set of earrings that belonged to the queen. Sabella the pretty young Roma dancer comes around to Goober at the filling station and for $3 tells Goober that he’s going to be a millionaire. For another $3 she'll tell him when. When Andy hears about these transactions he tells the Roma campers to clear out. Before leaving they come into town and put on an elaborate ceremony in the street to put a curse on Mayberry that will keep the weather dry until Andy lets them come back. They go and camp just across the county line. The dry weather continues and everyone starts to blame Andy for it. The only people that don’t believe the Romas can control the weather are Andy and Helen. We see the Romas in their camp listening to a short-wave radio long term weather broadcast from Greenland. Somehow the accent of the announcer is very much like one from the United States. I don't think people knew that people in Greenland speak Danish. The Roma learn that it’s going to rain in 72 hours and so they go back to town to say they will be lifting the curse in 72 hours. When the rain comes there is a gathering of people at the courthouse and the Roma campers arrive. The Mayberrians want Andy to let the Roma stay. But then Goober walks in with the short-wave and Andy turns it on to hear the weather report from Greenland. Now everyone knows they were lying and so they leave willingly but first Sell Andy their short-wave, except that it turns out to be empty inside. 

            One of the Roma men was played by the second Andy Griffith Show guest to later become a star of M.A.S.H, Jamie Farr. He started acting in and writing variety shows in high school, and was also the class president, an athlete and a manager of the football and basketball teams. He served in Korea in the army after the war was over and wore his real dog tags on M.A.S.H. His first film role was as Santini in The Blackboard Jungle. His mentors were Danny Thomas and Red Skelton and he credits Red Skelton with saving his career with financial assistance at a time when he was thinking of giving up. He worked on several popular TV sitcoms and variety shows before landing the part on M.A.S.H, which was supposed to be a one show only gig until he became a fan favourite. 

            Sabella was played by Francesca Bellini, who had supporting roles in The Carpetbaggers and Who’s Minding the Store. She later joined directors teams for Hollywood Squares and Wheel of Fortune. In the 1970s she became a stage manager for All In The Family, Days of Our Lives and The Bold and the Beautiful. She was also the mother of Cindy Williams, who played Shirley on Lavern and Shirley. 

           In the second story Goober is sweet on Flora the new waitress at the diner. He wants Andy to come and have lunch with him so he can tell Flora nice things about him. But as soon as Flora sees Andy she begins flirting with him. She gives Andy an enormous piece of meatloaf. Andy tries to tell Flora about Goober’s accomplishments. Goober thinks it’s working because she didn’t take her eyes off Andy the whole time he was telling her about Goober. Andy tries to avoid Flora by having a meal delivered but she brings it herself. When Andy tries to avoid her by going hunting she follows him into the woods. She starts acting extremely obsessive and tells Andy that he just thinks Helen is his girl but she’s really his girl. She pretends to get a sprained ankle so Andy will carry her. After they are back in Mayberry she grabs and kisses him in public. Andy tells her again that he has a girl and informs her that Goober is sweet on her. She acts as if this is news and suddenly she becomes sweet on Goober, but a little too sweet because she brings up marriage every time they are together. 

            Flora was played by Alberta Nelson who played Puss the biker chick in the Beach Party movies.