Adam West

            On Sunday it was my birthday. 

            I listened to Bach during yoga. 

            I finished writing a somewhat pornographic song called “Our Ladies of the Fifties”. Here’s the non-pornographic chorus: 

We won’t settle for a smidgen less 

than the immaculate virgin mother saints 

of nineteen fifties television, let’s 

make tv worth watching again 

            I organized my list of Boris Vian songs from the 1940s in chronological order with a separate document for each year. My plan is to do the same for his songs from the 1950s but that will be a bigger job. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice but I only worked on a few songs that especially needed practice. I found some easier chords for “Les sucettes” by Serge Gainsbourg because I’ve been fumbling the ones I’ve been using. 

            I had potato gnocchi and a toasted bagel for breakfast. The gnocchi really stuck to my stainless steel pan. I was worried I was going to have to scour it but after soaking it in water all day it came off easily. 

            I spent a lot of time getting caught up on Daily Show posts on Twitter. I liked Trevor Noah but I have to say it’s good to have Jon Stewart back. 

            I freed up some more of the old brick wall on the east side of my living room. 

            I hooked the trailer to my bike and rode up top the Dufferin Mall. The trailer with the milk crate strapped to it works quite nicely as a shopping cart. I bought under shirts, underwear, short and socks because I have no time to do my laundry. I went downstairs and got mouthwash, a black fitted cotton sheet, a big black towel, and a skipping rope. I was looking for a humidifier for my guitars but they only had dehumidifiers. Maybe Canadian Tire has them. Maybe it’s a winter thing. 

            When I got home I went downstairs to PopeYes and bought six biscuits. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 17:45. 

            I finished scanning the last box of slides and then I cleaned and scanned the last negative. It seems appropriate that the negative was a mirror selfie from the late 80s when I started photography. 

            I deleted a lot of my old bookmarks of websites. 

            I heated the spinach and potato roti that I bought yesterday and had it with a biscuit and a beer while watching the first three episodes of the Batman TV series. One good thing about the Batman show is that they never bothered with the Batman origin story as they’ve done in every one of the movies. I guess this Batman is not obsessed with vengeance over the murder of his parents. He’s just motivated to fight crime. 

            In the first story, at the Moldavian Exhibit at the Gotham City World’s Fair the Moldavian prime minister is about to unveil his country’s greatest treasure. But first he brings out a Moldovian friendship cake showing the Uncle Sam and the Moldovian equivalent shaking hands. As he cuts the cake there is an explosion as a small rocket shoots up from the cake and comes down by parachute having opened to reveal a riddle, “Why is an orange like a bell?” Police Commissioner Gordon says it’s the calling card of the Riddler. None of his men think they can handle him and so they look to the red phone that is the direct line to Batman. Alfred answers and gets Bruce and Dick. They tell Aunt Harriet that they are going on a fishing trip. The head of the bust of Shakespeare on Bruce’s desk tilts back and inside is the switch that opens the secret door to the Bat Poles. The left pole has a sign saying “Dick” and the right says “Bruce”. The wall behind the poles is spray painted with the sign that reads, “Access to Bat Cave via Bat Poles”. Why do they need a sign/ Is it in case they get amnesia? They go to the poles in their civilian clothes and slide into the Bat Cave in costume. Logically there must be a level between the Bat Pole entrance and the Bat Cave where they stop and change. But then apparently in a later episode there is an “instant costume change switch” that Bruce flips on the way down. That doesn’t really explain how the costumes change though. The Batmobile’s visual design was based on the 1955 Ford Futura. But the Batmobile was also nuclear powered. Ford designed an atomic car called the Nucleon in 1958 but that nuclear battery powered a steam engine whereas the Batmobile has a jet engine. 

            Robin figures out a lot of the riddles before Batman does. An orange is like a bell because they both must be peeled or pealed. Batman deduces that it has something to do with the Peale Art Gallery. When they get to te gallery there is a phone call on the Batmobile’s phone and it’s a recorded message from the Riddler: “There are three men in a boat with four cigarettes but no matches. How do they manage to smoke?” Later Robin figures it out. They throw one cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter. 

            They climb up the wall of the gallery and through the window see the Riddler pointing a gun at the owner of the gallery while taking a cross from him. They bust in and cuff him but Peale says that the cross already belonged to the Riddler and the Riddler was using a gun shaped cigarette lighter to light Peale’s cigarette. The Riddler asks, “What is it no man wants to have but no man wants to lose?” Robin says, “A lawsuit”. The Riddler hands Batman a lawsuit document and promises two more riddles. The Riddler is suing Batman for $1 million for assault, slander, and false arrest. Batman will also have to be unmasked in court. Later Robin thinks the riddles might be hidden in the document and so they analyze it in the Batcave. The first riddle is, “When is the time on a clock like the whistle on a train?” Robin says, “When it’s two to two”. The second, “What has no flesh, bone or nail but has four fingers and a thumb?” Robin guesses again that it’s a glove. Robin then says that the two riddles point to 222 Glover Avenue. 

            Meanwhile we meet the Riddler’s Molehill Gang including Molly (played by Jill St. John). 

            222 Glover is a popular discotheque so since Robin is underage he’s not allowed in. He watches inside through the Batscope while Batman goes in. Batman goes to the bar and orders an orange juice. Molly is sitting at the bar and Harry the Molehill leader is the bartender. Batman does his Batusi dance with Molly and then collapses, drugged by the juice. Then the Riddler hits Robin with a tranquilizer dart. They take him to their hideout and strap him down. The dumbest thing is that he doesn’t unmask him. Robin’s identity would lead to Batman’s and his secret is really his greatest weakness. This is continued to the next episode. 

            The story continues with the Riddler and Molly making a plaster mold of Robin’s face. Then Riddler wakes up Robin and tells him to call Batman. Then Riddler takes the phone and asks, “What kind of pins are used in soup?” Robin shouts out “Terrapins”. Then he asks, “What was Joan of Arc made of?” Batman says, “Maid of Orleans”. Batman figures Robin must be at the old Turtle Mill at Orleans Cove. Meanwhile Molly is dressed as Robin and puts on the mask they made of Robin’s face and looks just like him although we could see her bust outline before she put the mask on. Burt Ward is really trying hard to look feminine with his hand on his hip and a different walk. They take Robin’s utility belt and Molly wears it, turning on the transmitter so Batman can track her with the Detect a Scope. The Batmobile comes up behind the Riddler’s car and shoots it with the Batray conking the ignition as the Riddler expects. His car rolls over. Why would Batman cause an accident to the car that is carrying the one he is trying to rescue? They escape the car just before it goes up in flames. The Riddler escapes and Batman finds Robin lying on the road. Molly pretends that she can’t speak because her vocal cords have been affected. Batman carries her to the Batmobile and they drive to the Batcave. When they get there Molly points a gun at Batman. He says he saw through the flaw in the mask immediately because of the holes left by the straws in the plaster cast. He burned off the revolvers firing pin with hidden laser on the way there. She runs and climbs up an enormous structure that Batman warns is the Batmobile’s nuclear power source. He tries to rescue her but she slips and falls into the reactor to her death. Bartman replays the tape of Robin’s phone call and hears subway trains in the background. He crosses that with a complete subway schedule and runs it through the Batcomputer in the Batmobile which connects by radio link to the “US and Canada Crime Computer” in the Batcave. The location is on the Tenth Street Line at Coolidge Square Station. Batman uses a laser gun to blast through the wall of the Riddler’s hideout. But the Riddler traps both Batman and Robin behind bulletproof glass and escapes. Robin says he heard two more riddles: “How many sides does a circle have?” The answer is two, an inside and an outside. “What president of the United States wore the biggest hat?” Robin says it’s the one with the biggest head. He thinks the Riddler means to go inside the biggest building in Gotham, the Gotham City National Bank to take the money outside. Meanwhile the Riddler and his gang are heading for the Moldavian Pavilion where the story began. The exhibit on display id the Mammoth of Moldavia that was found in the ice centuries ago and worshipped by the people. The mammoth is stuffed with a fortune in Moldavian postage stamps. From below the Riddler pumps laughing gas into the pavilion. The Riddler enters and tells bad jokes that everyone laughs at. He says Greta Garbo sprinkled grass seed in her hair and moaned “I vant to be a lawn”. Everyone collapses laughing. He signals his gang to come and steal the mammoth. But then Batman and Robin burst out from inside the mammoth. Batman had solved the clues that Robin got wrong. Then comes the big fight scene with comic book sound effects in letters and to the Batman theme music. Riddler tries to escape and Batman follows below. Riddler fires at Batman but hits one of the gas canisters. Batman escapes before it explodes. Bruce feels bad about Molly’s death because he kind of liked her. Batman was played by Adam West, whose father was a farmer and mother was an opera singer. He started collecting comic books in 1938 and when Batman came out in 1939 he was a big fan. He graduated college with a degree in Literature and Psychology. He got married in his senior year. He became a disc jockey. He was drafted and worked as an announcer on US Forces Network Television. He joined a kids show in Hawaii called the Kini Popo Show and became the host. He got divorced to marry a Hawaiian girl. Three years later he went to Hollywood. He became a regular during the third season of Robert Taylor’s Detectives. He co-starred in Robinson Crusoe on Mars. He starred in Mara of the Wilderness and the spaghetti western The Relentless Four. After playing a secret agent named Captain Q in a Nestles Quik commercial he was cast as Batman and became an international star. After the three year run of the show he was typecast and couldn’t get much new work. But after a decade things picked up again and he appeared on TV, in movies and did voice work, including the voice of the animated Batman on several series. He starred in The Girl Who Knew Too Much. He co-starred in Hooper, The Happy Hooker goes Hollywood, One Dark Night, Young Lady Chatterley II, Nevada Smith. He starred in the TV series The Last Precinct. On Family Guy he played the maniacal Mayor Adam West. His autobiography was entitled “Back to the Batcave”. He said that his voice was so recognizable that telephone operators would know who he was. He was close friends with Van Williams who starred in The Green Hornet. Probably because I didn’t take a siesta in the early afternoon I got very sleepy while watching the third episode. I went to bed at 22:00 without doing the dishes, without brushing my teeth and without making my bed.