Wednesday 29 May 2024

Norma Varden


            On Tuesday morning I memorized the second and third verses of “Aberdeen Kowloon” by Serge Gainsbourg. There are only two verses left to learn. 
            I played my Kramer electric guitar during song practice for the first of two sessions. It was the first time I’d played it since Gian at Li’l Demon raised the action and fixed the fret that was snagging the high strings. It took a long time to get it in tune but that’s usual for that guitar after a neck adjustment. It sounded a lot better and the tinkling sound of the strings hitting the fret are gone. 
            I weighed 87.2 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since May 12. 
            In the late morning I headed out on my long bike ride to the Twelfth Fret at Danforth and Woodbine. As usual about halfway there I stopped at the Second Cup to pee. It didn’t feel like as long a trip as it did the times I went last year to look at guitars, then to buy the Martin, then to get the Martin set up, then to get the action lowered, then to check on a problem I thought I was having with the pick-up. Plus last year I was riding through a cloud of smoke from the wild fires. When I got there I approached Brian, who helped me several times last year. He right away set to work on my guitar and confirmed that the action was indeed incredibly high. So knowing I wasn’t crazy to think it was high was very satisfying. He said he didn’t know how I’d been able to play it. I said I just figured it sounded like more bad guitar playing on my part. He lowered it as much as he could by adjusting the neck but it was still high so he shaved off some of the saddle, which he said had plenty left. He also changed the strings while he was at it. When he was done it was nice to be able to press the strings and touch the wood underneath again. He only charged me for the strings, which were only $11 and change. 
            I asked about foot switches and they had some by Boss that would work but they were $60 while the Apex ones at Paul’s Boutique are $20 so I’ll go with those for now and maybe buy them tomorrow. 
            While I was there I tried out some electric guitars. None of the ones between my $1000 and $2000 price range impressed me much. They had an attractive electric “sitar” that simulates a sitar sound. They had a beat up red Gibson that used to belong to Domenic Troiano and was played during his time with the Guess Who. I tried it out and it’s the best sounding electric I’ve ever played but out of my price range at almost $7000. 
            I weighed 86.2 kilos at 15:45. 
            I took a late siesta at 16:30 and didn’t wake up for almost three hours. I guess my ride to Woodbine and back must have really pooped me out! 
            I weighed 86.6 kilos at 19:30. 
            I had a potato with gravy and a chicken leg while watching season 3, episodes 11 and 12 of Bewitched. 
            In the first story Samantha tells her mother that she wishes Darrin could forget his work once in a while. Endora warns that human men are all the same and that if he did forget his work he would become a childish nuisance around the house. Then Darrin comes to quickly kiss Samantha goodbye as he heads off to work. Samantha urges him to at least take a few minutes for breakfast but he says he’s too tense. He leaves the kitchen but before he turns the corner for the front door Endora conjures a bowl of popcorn on the console stand in the foyer. He passes it, but then stops at the door, turns around and grabs a handful. He eats it on the way out and goes down the walkway but next we see him walking back into the kitchen. He sits down and says he’ll have breakfast after all. He’s decided to take the day off and Samantha thinks that’s wonderful since he’s been working so hard that Larry couldn’t begrudge him a one day vacation. Darrin is relaxing in the kitchen when the milkman comes in through the back door. He complains about his job and Darrin offers him some popcorn. Suddenly the milkman also forgets about work and joins Darrin for coffee and the sports page. Meanwhile Darrin is absent at an important meeting at work and so Larry calls him. But Darrin is happily dismissive of Larry’s concerns and he lets the milkman tell Larry to leave Darrin alone and hangs up. Larry decides to head over there. Next the grouchy tv repairman has some popcorn and joins Darrin and the milkman on the couch. Larry storms in and demands that Darrin come to work to save the Parkinson account. Darrin asks how important Parkinson really is. Larry has some popcorn and asks, “Who’s he?” They’re all playing poker in the living room when Samantha comes home from the grocery store. She thinks this gathering is odd but she has a committee meeting to prepare for and Darrin says they’ll move the game out to the patio. Sarah Albright and Mary Wheeler arrive for the meeting to plan a fundraising drive for new playground equipment. The women struggle with their meeting in the living room while distracted by the loud men on the patio. Larry and Darrin’s client Parkinson calls Darrin to demand to know where they are as he’s waiting for their meeting. Darrin tells him to relax and hangs up. Parkinson storms over there, begins to chew Larry and Darrin out but has some popcorn and ends up happily joining them. The same thing happens to the cop who comes in to give Parkinson a ticket for having parked half on the curb. Mrs. Dumont, the head of the committee arrives. The men are making a lot of noise in the kitchen. Darrin says they can’t just eat popcorn and since Samantha didn’t make any popcorn she starts to realize what’s going on. Samantha tells Darrin they are ruining her meeting and they all go to apologize to the women. Then Parkinson sees how they are planning to raise money with $1 tickets and he says he can do it faster. The women are about to leave when Samantha gives them some popcorn too and they calmly sit down. The men get on the phone and call people for pledges. In a matter of minutes they’ve raised $1,500. Keep in mind that in modern money that’s about $15,000. But Samantha is disappointed because they have rendered the committee useless and she was looking forward to the community work. Endora removes the spell and everyone rushes off to work, leaving Samantha feeling exhausted.
            Mrs. Dumont was played by Norma Varden, who was a piano prodigy who studied in Paris and did concerts in her teens. She then studied acting and began working in theatre. Her first stage role was as Mrs. Darling in Peter Pan. Her West End debut was in The Wandering Jew in 1920. She found her niche in comedy and joined the Aldwych Theatre Farce-ers from 1929 to 1933. She reprised her roles in A Night Like This and Turkey Time into film versions. In the 1940s she moved to Hollywood and began to work steadily but in less prominent roles. Over the next three decades she worked on radio and television. She was Sherlock Holmes’s housekeeper on the popular radio show. She played Harriet Johnson on the sitcom Hazel, Mrs. Benson on I Love Lucy, and Mrs. Hermione Monteagle on Batman.
            


           


            In the second story Samantha walks into an antique shop and suddenly an ornate old chair begins to secretly follow her, walking with its wooden legs. The proprietor sees the chair and says he thought’ he’d thrown it away. Samantha likes it and so he sells it to her for $25. That night Darrin and Samantha are hosting Larry and Louise Tate and Max and Adelaide Cosgrove for the annual dinner to court Cosgrove into renewing his account with McMann and Tate. When Darrin comes home he doesn’t think the chair fits in the living room and tries to take it into the den. The chair makes itself heavy and so it’s a struggle. When he gets it in the den he tries to sit in it and it temporarily collapses. At dinner Larry is anxious to get Max to renew the contract but even though he runs his company, Adelaide runs him and he doesn’t do anything until she says it’s okay. Later when Adelaide sees the chair she falls in love with it and wants to buy it. For the sake of the contract Larry and Darrin coax Samantha to sell her the chair. Darrin tries to put the chair in the Cosgrove’s car but the chair puts a leg up to stop going through the door. Adelaide and Max carry it away. That night Samantha hears a noise downstairs and goes to investigate. She finds the chair has returned. Samantha calls for her mother and Endora says there have been cases where witches or warlocks have turned themselves into objects. Darrin calls to tell Samantha that the chair has been stolen from the Cosgrove home and now Adelaide is so upset she won’t let Max sign the contract. Samantha tells Darrin to come home. She tells him the chair is enchanted. He tries to hide it but it fights with him because it particularly doesn’t seem to like him. Then Max arrives and sees the chair. They tell him it’s a copy but he wants it to appease his wife and takes it. Samantha sends Darrin to the antique shop to learn exactly where the chair came from. She tells Endora to consult Samantha’s father and aunts to see if they know anything. Meanwhile Samantha goes to the Cosgroves to keep the chair from causing trouble. Adelaide sits in the chair but it tosses her off. She thinks Max pushed her and now believes he’s dangerous. Then it happens again after Samantha arrives and Adelaide decides to leave Max. Darrin, Larry and Louise come. Darrin tells Samantha that the chair was bought in Boston at the turn of the century. When Samantha is alone with the chair she takes charge of it and has it follow her to the patio. Endora appears and informs her that the chair is Clyde Farnsworth, a young warlock who is enamoured with Samantha. He had Enchantra turn him into a chair after Samantha rejected him. Samantha reminds Clyde that on their first and only date she told him they could only be friends. She makes him understand that she’s married now. She turns Clyde back into a human. He says there’s a lamp that loves him at the antique store so he’s going back there. Samantha asks for a copy of the chair that Clyde was and he makes one. When Adelaide sees the chair she’s happy again and allows Max to sign the contract. But the chair copy seems to still be alive because it kicks Darrin when he kisses Samantha.

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