I converted my audio for “Shylock” by Serge Gainsbourg to AVI and imported it to Movie Maker where I just cut it down to the words “vieux brigand” or whatever is being said. I uploaded it to several transcription sites but they all wanted money. I downloaded Whisprflow but it turned out not to do French for some stupid reason. I found a site that did it for free but it was way off. Finally I just decided that what Petula Clark is singing must be “vieux brigaut” which means “old pirate”. So I’ll go with that.
I weighed 89.75 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Martin during song practice for the last of four sessions.
My stereo was dropping a channel again sometimes but only when the Input knob was switched to CD. The CD plugs in the back of my stereo are what I use to connect the audio from my computer. I decided to try to plug the jacks into Phono and I got both channels but it was distorted so I switched back to CD. Suddenly I had two channels and it didn’t drop out so I must have just had the jacks not fully fitted into the plugs.
I cleaned the glass of my future bathroom mirror and secured it back in the frame with the metal wedges I’d removed last week. While struggling with that I smudged the glass again so I’ll clean it again on Sunday and hopefully finally mount it in the bathroom.
I weighed 91.25 kilos before lunch.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way the way up Brock Avenue I found a two-volume set of a hard cover French-English dictionary called Harrap’s, so I took them. Apparently it’s a well respected dictionary that focuses more on historical context than my Collins-Robert dictionary, which is what I like. It’s the 1972 edition and in excellent condition.
On the way back I stopped at Freshco where I bought five bags of red grapes, a pack of Mexican raspberries, some bananas, a loaf of Rudolph’s sandwich bread, a pack of Canadian ground beef, honey, a pack of Full City Dark coffee, a jar of salsa, and some petroleum jelly.
I weighed 90.8 kilos at 18:45.
I had a container of honey that still had some in the bottom but not enough to pour. I usually add milk to it and shake it then use the last of it on my cereal. I was about to do that and then put it in the fridge overnight but noticed there were some ants crawling on the inside of the cap and a lot of dead ants in the honey at the bottom, so I threw it out.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal but was still behind at suppertime.
I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching season 11, episode 21 of The Carol Burnett Show.
In the As The Stomach Turns sketch, Marian (played by Carol) is necking with the chief of police to thank him for his search for her missing daughter. Later the doorbell rings and it’s Donna Davenport (played by Betty White) Canoga Falls leading interior decorator whose work is known in every bedroom in town. She says “The secret to an exciting bed lies in the sheets!” She tells Marian that she heard about her missing daughter and rushed over to tell her that now is the perfect time to turn her room into an upstairs den. Donna asks if she likes what she did to her bedroom and Marian says putting in a tollgate was the perfect choice. She asks if her round bed is good to sleep on but Marian says she wouldn’t know. The doorbell rings and it’s lineman from the county Richard Dryface (a parody of Richard Dreyfuss played by Steve Martin) who comes in looking extremely agitated. He informs Marian that her daughter was abducted by aliens and taken aboard a spacecraft from another world. Marian says angrily, “I told her never to accept rides from strangers!” He wants to show her the shape he saw in a vision of the place where the aliens will land. He goes out to her garden and breaks her window then throws several plants inside onto her table. He goes to her kitchen and brings a big container of mashed potatoes, which he empties with the plants onto the table. He puts eggs on top of the mashed potatoes for landing lights. He smashes the eggs with a tennis racket and then dumps a bag of flour on top of that. He asks if she has a spare cat. She slaps his face and he says, “Well excuuuse me!” He covers everything with a table cloth and puts a pillow on top then declares, “That’s the shape!”. Marian says it looks like her new bed upstairs. Then the house shakes and lights flash. Marian’s daughter (played by Vicki) descends the stairs with a baby and says they’ve brought her back. She says the baby is named Otmore Om Junior. He has antennae and his father’s eye. The alien (played by Tim) descends the stairs. He is silver with a very large head and long fingers. Richard tries to communicate with sign language. The alien pokes him in the eyes with two fingers. He then does a few other hand moves out of Three Stooges type sketches that result in Richard getting hit a lot. The alien wants someone to go with him and they all argue over who gets to go.
Steve Martin does a stand-up routine. He says in order to be a success in television you have to appeal to everyone. But he says there’s one group he hasn’t been appealing to and that’s dogs. A lot of dogs watch TV and he’s worked up a comedy act for dogs. He says he tried his act on some neighbourhood dogs and they were on the floor. “So if you have a dog call them over and let them sit in front of the TV screen because I think you’re gonna see them crack up for the first time. I’ll wait for just a second while you call your dog over.” He has four dogs sitting in front of him for his performance. After two bad jokes two of the dogs walk off stage. The dogs start being affectionate with him and each other. He asks one dog what time he has to be home and then says, “Maybe he can’t tell me because I have his watch!” He plays a tune on the dog whistle that only they can hear. The two dogs wrestle with each other and knock Steve down.
Tim plays an elderly man named Mr. Purdy who is wheeled by a nurse to sit alone on a park bench. Carol plays a nearly toothless old lady who sits beside him to feed the pigeons. She tells Purdy to pretend he doesn’t notice her. She says, “We’re bustin out of here tonight. Are you with us?” He calls for his nurse but Carol tells him to keep it down if he doesn’t want the screw in the tower to hear them. “We ain’t got much time out here in the yard”. She tells him to put his newspaper down between them and she slips something inside. It’s a spoon she says she made out of a knife. She says hello to the warden although there is nobody there. She tells Purdy the warden wants to know what he has in the newspaper. She says he just has his watch and so Tim takes off his watch and she shows it to the invisible warden. She says the warden says he’s not supposed to have a watch and so she’s supposed to keep it for him. She puts something else in his paper and this time it’s a bar of soap she says she made out of a gun. She says the warden’s come back and wants to know what he has in the paper. She tells him it’s his ring, so Tim puts his ring in. She says the warden says he can’t have a ring, so she’s gonna hold onto it. She tells the warden he also has his wallet in the paper. Purdy says he’s not going to go for it this time. He calls for a policeman but after relating everything that just happened, the cop takes Purdy away.
Next is a Family sketch that begins with Eunice’s sister Ellen (played by Betty) in her home, all dressed up and preparing for a party. The doorbell rings and it’s Eunice and Mama. Mama says, “Happy anniversary!” and Ellen invites them in but only pretending to be glad to see them. Eunice tells Mama that evidently there’s a party that they weren’t invited to so maybe they should just creep back to their humble part of town. Ellen says they can have a brief visit before her guests arrive. Mama gives Ellen a present and Eunice says it’s from both of them. Ellen opens it and it’s some cheap cologne they got at a two-for one sale. Ellen takes a sniff saying it’s wonderful but barely hides her disgust. Mama says it’s just a remembrance of her anniversary and she’s just pleased one of her daughters could keep a marriage together. Mama wants to see her two granddaughters and Ellen says they’re upstairs doing their homework. She asks her not to stay too long because they have a lot of work to do. Mama asks Ellen if she’s afraid she’s gonna kidnap them and sell them to the circus. When Eunice and Ellen are alone Eunice argues that Ellen’s daughters lives would be enriched if they spent more time with their grandmother. Ellen says, “Then you’re very lucky Eunice that your little boys have her right in the same house.” Eunice says, “Well I don’t wanna be selfish about it. It might be nice if we shared Mama for a while. You live in this big house while I live in a little cracker box on the wrong side of the tracks, as you once described it. As you know, Ed left me and I am trying to rebuild my own life and that old lady is driving me right up the wall and I think it’s only fair that you take her for a while.” Carol tries to ad lib a bit about the differences between her and Mama and gets confused, which makes Betty smile. Ellen says, “Well like you said, she is fun!” “Give me a breather. Just take her off my hands for a little bit!” Ellen says her husband breaks out in hives at the mention of Mama. “Do you remember how she behaved at our wedding? Asking Bruce’s mother how much she weighed!” “It is not fair! You have got to take her!” “I’d sooner take gas!” “If you don’t take her off my hands I’m gonna put her out on the streets!” “I have suffered enough on that account!” “She has always hated me and loved you the best!” Mama is no listening from the stairs as Ellen says, “If your were dumb enough to let that dragon move in with you, you can stew in your own juice…” Then they notice Mama, who says to Eunice, “I never expected any more from you, but you Ellen, I have given up my entire life for you!” “Oh set it to music Mama! You never gave up anything for anybody in your entire life! Thank the lord I left when I did or I would have turned out like Eunice!” Ellen’s guests arrive and she rushes Mama and Eunice out. Mama tells her, “You were a cold, ungrateful little snip the day you were born and you still are!” Eunice says, “You and that mealy faced priss Bruce you married, you deserve each other!” Mama tells Eunice, “You quit pickin on your sister!” and they leave.
They do a parody of Beach Blanket Bingo with Carol as Nanette Vermicelli, Steve as Frankie Travelon. Vicki in a blonde wig with pigtails is singing and twisting to the theme song on the beach with the dancers. Frankie says he broke up with Diane and he tells them about it by singing “Teenage Madonna” through the microphone he carries in his back pocket. Surfs up and Nanette doesn’t want to let Frankie surf alone in his hour of despair. Vicki warns her that nice guys never marry the girls they surf with. Nanette surfs beside Frankie and he invites her to step onto his board. Then she sings “Surfer Baby” (which sounds similar to “Surfer Girl” by The Beach Boys). Frankie pulls out his microphone to sing the second verse. He tries to kiss her and she slaps his face so they both fall off the board but Nanette saves him and they are both dry when they make it to the beach. Then the leather clad bikers arrive led by Betty as Angel and Tim as Von Schlepper. Schlepper tells the surfers to get off the beach and Frankie stands up to him for a while then backs down. Angel says she likes her men weak. He says he likes his women strong and greasy and they kiss. Schlepper challenges Frankie in a race to Dead Man’s Cove. Frankie is on his surfboard while Schlepper is surfing while standing on his motorbike. Carol, Vicki, and Angel cheer them on with a song. The race is a tie and now nobody hates each other. Frankie asks Nanette to marry him and asks Schlepper, “Do you think we outta get married?” Schlepper says he already promised Angel. Everybody sings, “Surfin Everyday” to the tune of “Surfin USA” by The Beach Boys which is to the tune of “Sweet Little Sixteen” by Chuck Berry.
At the age of 15 Steve Martin got a job at The Magic Shop at Disney’s Fantasyland where he learned magic tricks, juggling, rope tricks, and how to make balloon animals. He started playing banjo at 17. He was a cheerleader in high school where he developed his King Tut dance. At Santa Ana College he studied Drama and English Poetry. He joined a comedy troupe at Knott’s Berry Farm. He studied theatre at UCLA. He toured the college circuit with Martin Mull in The Steve Martin Mull Show. He started writing for The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour for which he won an Emmy Award and did his first TV performance on the same show, after which he was depressed for a week. He wrote for 20 episodes of The Glen Campbel Goodtime Hour, 37 episodes of The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour, He first appeared on the Tonight Show in 1972 and returned several times each year to do standup. He guest hosted Saturday Night Live in 1976 and another 14 times over the years, plus 12 additional appearances in skits. His first comedy album, the Grammy winning “Let’s Get Small” went platinum in 1977. His “Wild and Crazy Guy” album went gold and also won a Grammy. His Comedy Is Not Pretty album went gold. His first starring film role was in The Absent Minded Waiter in 1977 (which he wrote and which was nominated for a short film Oscar). He co-wrote and starred in The Jerk in 1979. He starred in Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid, The Man With Two Brains, All of Me, Pennies from Heaven, Three Amigos (which he co-wrote), Roxanne, Planes Trains and Automobiles, Parenthood, My Blue Heaven, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, L.A. Story (which he wrote), Father of the Bride, Father of the Bride 2, Leap of Faith, A Simple Twist of Fate, The Spanish Prisoner, Housesitter, The Out of Towners, Mixed Nuts, Grand Canyon, Bowfinger (which he wrote), Bringing Down the House, Cheaper by the Dozen, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Shopgirl (which he wrote), The Pink Panther (which he co-wrote), The Pink Panther 2 (which he co-wrote), Love the Coopers, Sgt Bilko, He co-starred in Little Shop of Horrors, The Big Year, Home, Loonie Tunes Back in Action, Prince of Egypt, baby Mama, It’s Complicated, Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk, He co-created and stars in Only Murders in the Building on TV. He co-wrote the movie Traitor, He wrote the memoirs Born Standing Up, Number One is Walking, . He wrote the novels An Object of Beauty, The Pleasure of My Company, . He wrote Cruel Shoes. Pure Drivel, He co-wrote the musical Bright Star (which won a Grammy for Best Musical Theatre Album). He recorded the album Love Has Come for You with Edie Brickel and it one a Best Roots Grammy. He wrote the plays Meteor Shower, Picasso at the Lapin Agile. He won a Grammy for his music album The Crow in 2009. He co-won a Grammy for Best Country Instrumental performance on “Foggy Mountain Breakdown” with Earl Scruggs and Friends. He hosted the Academy Awards three times. His biggest comedic influence is Monty Python’s Flying Circus. He is a member of Mensa. He became a father for the first time at the age of 67.
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