On Tuesday I saw the first power-line-crossing squirrel of the year. It
tightrope walked in front of my window and then crossed Queen, leapt to another
wire, crossed Dunn and then somehow made it down to the street.
Under the squirrel
skyway the regulars are still out every morning:
There’s the big woman who comes up Dunn Avenue
and pushes the button to cross Queen. Even though she has the walk signal, she
always holds her hands up to the cars that are stopped at the light just in
case the drivers decide to ignore the coloured signal and run her over. After
she’s gotten her coffee at the Coffee Time and is crossing back over, she often
pushes the button again, perhaps to turn it off.
There’s also the extremely dapper man in the
top hat, jacket with tails, vest, white shirt with the tail out and umbrella.
He carries a leather briefcase as well and only stops walking to pick up and
light a cigarette butt before continuing on his way.
I went online to my translation blog to post a
Serge Gainsbourg song but I clicked the wrong place and discovered a two year
old comment from Mick Harvey in response to my criticism of his translation of
Gainsbourg’s “Le Poinconneur des Lilas”. Mick Harvey is the former member of
Nick Cave’s Bad Seeds who, after going solo, put out two albums of Serge
Gainsbourg translations.
In one comment he told me I’d gotten the chords wrong on “Ce Mortel
Ennui”.
The other was more detailed and pissed off:
“Dear Christian, Thank you for your comments. Unfortunately you have resorted to unnecessary insults and have failed to acknowledge many of the (may I say) excellent solutions we found in our translation. A quick test would demonstrate that our version can be sung in the correct meter - yours, I suspect would be most deficient in that area and, after all, I had to try and sing it.
In response to your criticisms I would say, first of all, that Invalides suggests just what you have gone over. I am fully aware Invalides is a Metro station and the double meaning is obvious. Secondly (not second of all - which to me is poor English) ‘The Great Highway’ does not mean what you want it to in English so the attempt is lost. I readily admit my solution was not perfect but at least it means something in the language I was using. Thirdly, the rifle/trifle couplet is far from perfect and in hindsight I would gladly have changed it. Your criticism is taken on board. I’m sorry it makes you feel like throwing. But it remains irrelevant that Gainsbourg liked handguns - it’s hardly an autobiographical song. And the notion that The Ticket Puncher would want to kill himself at work is an assumption you have made with no foundation - it’s not in the song.
Finally, I did not leave The Bad Seeds because of creative differences and I find your last comment unnecessarily personal and insulting and actually quite poorly expressed. A close inspection of the two translations side by side would reveal that the solutions in my version are, on balance, better than yours - especially, but not only, with the requirement of singing them.
The other was more detailed and pissed off:
“Dear Christian, Thank you for your comments. Unfortunately you have resorted to unnecessary insults and have failed to acknowledge many of the (may I say) excellent solutions we found in our translation. A quick test would demonstrate that our version can be sung in the correct meter - yours, I suspect would be most deficient in that area and, after all, I had to try and sing it.
In response to your criticisms I would say, first of all, that Invalides suggests just what you have gone over. I am fully aware Invalides is a Metro station and the double meaning is obvious. Secondly (not second of all - which to me is poor English) ‘The Great Highway’ does not mean what you want it to in English so the attempt is lost. I readily admit my solution was not perfect but at least it means something in the language I was using. Thirdly, the rifle/trifle couplet is far from perfect and in hindsight I would gladly have changed it. Your criticism is taken on board. I’m sorry it makes you feel like throwing. But it remains irrelevant that Gainsbourg liked handguns - it’s hardly an autobiographical song. And the notion that The Ticket Puncher would want to kill himself at work is an assumption you have made with no foundation - it’s not in the song.
Finally, I did not leave The Bad Seeds because of creative differences and I find your last comment unnecessarily personal and insulting and actually quite poorly expressed. A close inspection of the two translations side by side would reveal that the solutions in my version are, on balance, better than yours - especially, but not only, with the requirement of singing them.
Further, your "by ear" transcription
made several mistakes, the worst of which was "the only things that shine
are insects eyes" which is, in fact, "the only things that shine are
exit signs". If you feel inclined to continue insulting me you are welcome
to do so at management@mickharvey.com though I suspect I will continue to be
disappointed with your position. Had I failed to convey the idea of the song I
would understand your venom but picking on 2 or 3 specific gripes and missing
the big picture - that I have opened the song up to an English speaking
audience - seems to be somewhat misdirected anger.”
Here is my response:
Dear Michael,
Thank you for responding. I'm sorry for the year and a half late response, but to be fair I only saw your comments three days ago.
Thank you for your comments and corrections on the chords for "Ce Mortel Ennui". I'm sure you have a better musical ear than I do. I'm a poet who writes songs and so my sensitivity is more honed on the poetics of the lyrics. Your assessment of what the chords are in relation to Gainsbourg's arrangement are probably right. "I Am Bored to Death" is my arrangement and it does capture the essence of the song when I play it in French or English.
Thank you for responding. I'm sorry for the year and a half late response, but to be fair I only saw your comments three days ago.
Thank you for your comments and corrections on the chords for "Ce Mortel Ennui". I'm sure you have a better musical ear than I do. I'm a poet who writes songs and so my sensitivity is more honed on the poetics of the lyrics. Your assessment of what the chords are in relation to Gainsbourg's arrangement are probably right. "I Am Bored to Death" is my arrangement and it does capture the essence of the song when I play it in French or English.
I have removed the comment about The Bad Seeds and my declaration that you are
not creative. Given that I don't know your entire body of work it's unfair (and
you are right, insulting) for me to make such a claim based on a couple of
translations. I do maintain though in relation to the piece that I've critiqued
that you have shown yourself to be insensitive to Gainsbourg's poetics.
I have been singing my translation of "Le
Poinconneur des Lilas" every other day for years and in French on the next
day. My arrangement does not follow Gainsbourg's very closely and I think that
your version follows it far too closely. There is no point covering a song
unless one can offer something new.
Your use of "You invalids" robs the
listener of the full power of Gainsbourg's double meaning.
"The Great Highway" is the English translation of the title of Strindberg's play, just as "Le Grand Route" is the French translation. I don't know why you would say it doesn't mean what I want it to. It's a metaphor for the afterlife and means exactly what I want it to.
I don't think it's irrelevant that Gainsbourg liked handguns. A translation has to be as sensitive to the vision of the author as possible. My main problem with "trifle" rhyming with "rifle" is that it's just too contrived and too precise. The secret to good rhyming is like the formula for a perfect murder: it has to look like it was an accident.
I strongly disagree with your assessment that your version is better than mine, and I think that I have shown how that is not the case. I have sung my "The Ticket Puncher at Lilas Station" as well as many other of my translations on a few occasions at venues in Toronto and I have gotten very good responses. People especially like "The Ticket Puncher at Lilas Station" and audience members have actually bought me beer because they liked it so much.
Thanks for the correction of "exit signs" over "insects eyes". I have changed it. You mention that I've made more mistakes in listening to your version. Please let me know what they are and I'll fix the quote.
My criticism of your version is not angry. But I don't think it lets you off the hook poetically to have introduced Gainsbourg to English audiences. That's fine for the song from a musical standpoint but the Gainsbourg's lyrics are in my view better than Bob Dylan's so I think a translation of his work should have that same quality. Rod McKuen introduced English audiences to Jacques Brel and we ended up with "Seasons in the Sun" which should have gotten him imprisoned in The Hague.
Best regards,
Christian
"The Great Highway" is the English translation of the title of Strindberg's play, just as "Le Grand Route" is the French translation. I don't know why you would say it doesn't mean what I want it to. It's a metaphor for the afterlife and means exactly what I want it to.
I don't think it's irrelevant that Gainsbourg liked handguns. A translation has to be as sensitive to the vision of the author as possible. My main problem with "trifle" rhyming with "rifle" is that it's just too contrived and too precise. The secret to good rhyming is like the formula for a perfect murder: it has to look like it was an accident.
I strongly disagree with your assessment that your version is better than mine, and I think that I have shown how that is not the case. I have sung my "The Ticket Puncher at Lilas Station" as well as many other of my translations on a few occasions at venues in Toronto and I have gotten very good responses. People especially like "The Ticket Puncher at Lilas Station" and audience members have actually bought me beer because they liked it so much.
Thanks for the correction of "exit signs" over "insects eyes". I have changed it. You mention that I've made more mistakes in listening to your version. Please let me know what they are and I'll fix the quote.
My criticism of your version is not angry. But I don't think it lets you off the hook poetically to have introduced Gainsbourg to English audiences. That's fine for the song from a musical standpoint but the Gainsbourg's lyrics are in my view better than Bob Dylan's so I think a translation of his work should have that same quality. Rod McKuen introduced English audiences to Jacques Brel and we ended up with "Seasons in the Sun" which should have gotten him imprisoned in The Hague.
Best regards,
Christian
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