Art Metrano

            On Thursday morning I got up to pee at 4:45 and bumped my elbow on the mantle as I was staggering to the bathroom. One doesn’t notice how much one uses an elbow until it hurts all day. It didn’t limit any of my exercises though. 

            I finished revising my translation of “S'il pleauvait des larmes” (If Our Tears Made Rainfall) by Boris Vian. 

            I finished working out the chords for “Asphalte” by Serge Gainsbourg. Tomorrow I’ll run through playing and singing it in French and English and then I’ll upload it to my Christian’s Translations blog. 

            I weighed 88.45 kilos before breakfast. 

            I’ve gotten George Elliott Clarke, Albert Moritz and Allan Briesmaster to agree to submit blurbs about my work for the upcoming book. George already sent his own spontaneous and meandering explosion of a blurb. Allan says his will be ready by Monday. He made my day when he told me his wife Holly is thrilled that I’m finally going to be published. 

            I submitted four photos of me to Richard Olafson for him to pick one for the book. I think I prefer the one where I’m playing guitar. I wrote a short description of my book and sent that to Richard as well. Other than waiting for Albert and Allan’s blurbs there’s nothing more for me to do unless Richard asks for something else. I noticed a spelling error on the spine of the cover layout that Richard sent me. Instead of “Paranoiac Utopia” it says “Paranpoc Utopia”. I pointed it out to Richard. 

            I weighed 87.55 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back I stopped at Freshco. The cherries were fairly cheap but I looked and found they were cheaper at No Frills. I got five bags. I also bought a pack of raspberries, a basket of peaches, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, Full City Dark coffee, dish detergent and a pack of toilet paper. When I told Priscilla the cashier her I wanted to do a price match she asked “$4.39 a kilo?”. I asked if they are that cheap someplace. She looked it up and gave me that price. Plus she found a discount for the peaches as well. 

            I weighed 87.3 kilos at 18:15. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 19:04. 

            I went out with my camera and tripod to look for people to put on video for my project. I walked on the north side of Queen to Sorauren and then on the south side to Elm Grove. It was later than I usually go out to walk around because I’d already stopped at the supermarket and though the light was perfect on the south side the shadows were rising and a second trip seemed a waste of time on an already slow night. Tomorrow if it’s sunny I’ll get out earlier. I’m still looking for Whispering Ghost with Wings of Silver to put on video for the project. 

            In the Movie Maker project for my electric performance of “La jambe de bois” I synchronized the audio and video. Next I have to establish the end and cut everything that comes after. 

            I had a potato with the rest of the gravy and a chicken breast while watching season 5, episodes 9 and 10 of Bewitched. 

            In the first story Samantha is in the park sitting on a bench with the other mothers while Tabitha plays when some workmen come along and tell them to clear out. They are surveying the park to get it ready when the bulldozers come to tear it down to build a shopping centre. Samantha points to a statue and says the park was dedicated to the city by Colonel Nathon R. Mosler. The surveyor explains that the park was leased by the city for $1 a year but the city forgot to pay one year and so Mosler’s grandson used that loophole to reclaim the land for profit. Samantha decides to fight and organizes the other mothers. They begin to picket in the park and block the bulldozers. Darrin is at first surprised but then is supportive and tells Samantha he’s proud of her. The bulldozer operator tries to force his way through but Samantha uses witchcraft to cause his machine to malfunction in a comical and messy way for him. H. B. Mosely comes and warns the protesters that if they persist tomorrow then he’s going to have them all thrown in jail. A little later Darrin is showing Larry his layouts for the Easy Way Rent a Car campaign and they are about to present them to the client. Then the client, who happens to be H. B. Mosely arrives to explain he was late because of some ladies on a picket line trying to stop his shopping centre. Darrin realizes the problem and when he gets home he tries to dissuade Samantha from her protest, finally letting her know that Mosely is his client. Samantha is not phased. When he forbids her to protest she finds it hypocritical and magically sends him to sleep on the couch. The next morning he wakes up to find Samantha has gone back to the protest. Larry and Mosely find out that the leader is Samantha and try to force Darrin to stop her. He finally realizes that he wants to stand with her and goes down there. Mosely threatens Samantha with Darrin losing his account. She’s about to give in but Darrin won’t let her. Larry fires Darrin but he doesn’t care. Samantha asks Mosely what his grandfather would think. Then she uses witchcraft to make Mosely see and hear the statue of his grandfather berating him for his decision. Mosely immediately rededicates the park to the people and gives Darrin the rights to all his company’s advertizing. As Samantha is leaving the park she is surprised when the statue winks at her. 

            The bulldozer driver was played by Art Metrano, who studied acting with Stella Adler and John Cassavetes. His film debut was in Rocket Attack in 1958. He had a comical magic act in the 70s called The Amazing Metrano and used to perform it in the Catskills, on the Tonight Show, and on TV variety shows will humming the song “Fine and Dandy”. He played Lieutenant Mauser in the Police Academy film series. He broke his neck while working on a house and was forced to use mostly a wheelchair. This inspired a one man show called The Accidental Comedy to raise funds for people with spinal cord injuries. After retiring from acting he owned a yogourt shop. 

            The second story involves Uncle Arthur and more fumbled magic plus more of his practical jokes. He says his feet are killing him and then we see a six gun attached to each of his feet and firing at the rest of him. Arthur brings a puppy for Tabitha and Samantha says she’d love to keep it but she can’t speak for Darrin. He says, “Of course you can” and then casts a spell to make Samantha talk with Darrin’s voice. But then when he tries to put her voice back he can’t find it. Meanwhile Darrin is in a bar with Larry when he finds himself speaking with Samatha’s voice. Darrin rushes home to confront Arthur, who doesn’t appreciate his threatening tone. Arthur is having trouble remembering his spell. Finally he seems to have it but then Samantha switches voices with Arthur. He fixes things but Darrin is still angry and insults him. Arthur leaves and says he hopes the spell sticks. Then their voices switch again. Arthur returns and says he forgot to stick the incantation so he asks Samantha and Darrin to join hands. He fixes their voices but now their hands are stuck together. He finally fixes that problem too.