The Fantastic Rip-Off

            On Saturday morning I finished posting my translation of “Monna Vanna et Miss Duncan” by Serge Gainsbourg but it took a long time because the wi-fi kept going off. The next of his songs I will work on is “Marine Band Tremolo.” 

            I weighed 85.7 kilos before breakfast. 

            I went through all my downloaded photos that start with “J” and deleted several. It took quite a while. Then I sat on the toilet for several minutes and wound up plugging it. I had to plunge it for five minutes before it cleared. It was already after 13:00 when I left to go to the supermarket, more than an hour later than usual. 

            At No Frills the grapes were all soft. They had watermelons on sale but when I tested them they didn’t have enough resonance inside so I didn’t get any. I bought three bags of mandarins, a half-pint of raspberries, and a pork sirloin, they were out of Sunlight dish detergent and so I got Palmolive orange, I bought a container of skyr, and a large pack of toilet paper. The detergent opened up and some of it spilled into my backpack and so I had to empty the bag and wipe it with paper towels. 

            I weighed 85.4 kilos before a late lunch at 13:50. I had Ritz crackers with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of raspberry lemonade. 

            In the afternoon I rode up to the Dufferin Mall to buy pants. I have definitely lost weight. The jeans I have but can’t wear anymore because they are ripped in the ass, are 38-34. The khakis that I bought at the same time are 40-34. Now I find I can comfortably fit into pants that are 36-34. 

            I first went to Marks Work Warehouse where I found a couple of pairs that were 36-34 but I didn’t like the cut of either. I went to the Gap where it was like a mining expedition to find pants with a 34 leg. The longest pants they have are 34 and of those, the widest is 36. I thought people were getting taller. 

            I guess I was crowding another customer as I was digging for pants. He said, “If you’ll just wait I can move my stuff!” I said, “Sorry” and he shook his head in disgust. I had actually thought that he worked there because he didn’t have the manner of someone who was shopping. 

            I found a pair each of straight denim, straight khaki, and skinny khaki, so I just bought them all. Every pair of pants I own has a little rip somewhere so I decided it was worthwhile upgrading. 

            I weighed 84.6 kilos at 17:45. 

            I tried to use the new Scarlett interface. It works in the Voice Recorder of my computer but there is a hum. I went to the Focusrite site and tried to register but I wasn’t sure I was in the right place and moved away after typing in my email. When I came back it wouldn’t let me register because it claimed the email was already on their files. I wrote to customer service to complain and they sent me a link that allowed me to register. But meanwhile, I had already found a way to download the drivers and the software. They wanted me to make Focusrite my default audio program but when I did that no audio would play through it. I don’t know if downloading Ableton would fix that. 

            I had an egg sunny side up and warmed up naan with a beer while watching two episodes of Astro Boy. 

            In the first story, a rocket returning to Earth crashes in Labrador. Astro Boy comes to rescue the pilot and he says he’s been invaded by space microbes. After he collapses Astro Boy’s super-hearing picks up the voices of tiny creatures inside the pilot. 

            Astro Boy gets Dr. Elefun to shrink him and Mr. Pompus to microbial size so they can enter the pilot’s body and stop the microbe army. They only have two hours before they will grow again. Inside they find soldiers planning the invasion of the Earth. When the microbe soldiers detect Astro Boy and Pompus they set out to destroy them. Astro Boy faces a squadron of alien ships but can’t effectively fight them while carrying Pompus. They try to escape but are captured and are about to be shot when the deputy leader tells the firing squad to stop. He is acting friendly but his purpose is to use them to learn about Earthlings so they can be more easily conquered. 

            Astro Boy and Pompus are locked in a room but another microbe named Weenie opens the door and says he is part of a rebel force among the microbes trying to stop them from invading Earth. There is a battle between good and bad microbes and Astro Boy helps until the microbes leave the pilot’s body and go back to their home planet. Astro Boy and Pompus are getting larger and rush to get out. They ride out of the pilot on a sneeze. 

            I wonder if the creators of Astro Boy got the idea of a microbe army from the 1935 educational animated short, “The Microbe Army.” But the idea of shrinking people down to travel inside of someone’s body was first used in this 1964 episode of Astro Boy, and it seems that two years later the producers of The Fantastic Voyage ripped it off. 

            In the second story, Dr. Elefun has been asked to go to the kingdom of Hapless to help King Horrid. Horrid’s men come to escort Elefun on the plane. They say Astro Boy cannot come but he pretends to cry until Elefun takes him aside. He tells him he has a feeling something is wrong and so Elefun sneaks him onto the plane dismantled in a suitcase. 

            In Hapless, Elefun learns the secret that Horrid is actually a robot. Elefun fixes him but uses Astro Boy’s power pack. Horrid has him escorted to a hotel and it’s a run-down dump. That night Horrid’s men come to assassinate him and he escapes but becomes separated from the suitcase containing Astro Boy. 

            The suitcase is picked up by one of the rebel robots of the kingdom. He takes it back to their headquarters and they assemble Astro Boy. He is told that Horrid is having all of the robots transformed into slaves. Their hideout is invaded by Horrid’s forces and Astro Boy tries to stop them but he has no power. 

            Meanwhile, Dr. Elefun, while trying to escape from Horrid’s men, sneaks into a stadium. But he wanders into the arena where a robot lion is released and is approaching to attack. But then the lion tells Elefun that he knows he is a friend to robots and the lion is part of the robot resistance. Elefun tells the lion that Horrid is also a robot. The lion calls all the robot animals of the stadium to attack. Horrid escapes in his flying chair. Elefun flies after him on a giant robot bird. 

            Meanwhile, Astro Boy and the rebels have been captured and are about to be transformed into obedient slaves. Elefun jumps off the bird near the robot factory. He sees Astro Boy on the assembly line and rushes to his aid. The leader of the rebels sacrifices his power pack and Astro Boy’s power is restored. The rebels take care of Horrid’s men while Astro Boy goes after Horrid. In the mountains he meets a man in a cell who looks like Horrid. He says he is Horrid’s creator and refuses to leave his cell until the bad robots are defeated. Astro Boy takes Horrid to justice.