Snidely Whiplash

           

            On Wednesday morning when I got up I removed the last piece of gauze from the hole where my tooth had been. It was a just a little pink from the blood from the wound so I saw no reason to stick any more cloth into my mouth. My mouth tasted of blood because I’d followed the hygienist’s instructions and hadn’t brushed, rinsed or spit

the night before.

            I found two sets of chords for “L'homme à la tête de chou" (The Man with the Head of Cabbage) by Serge Gainsbourg. One is in F and the other F sharp. I wrote them down but I would do a little more searching before trying them to hear if they work.

            I wrote in my journal.

            I cleaned another area on the upper shelf in my bedroom and washed the outside of two of the storage bins that I keep there. I’ve got a lot of shelves in the bedroom and so it’s going to take a while to clean them all. After that I might do some painting before I focus entirely on the kitchen floor.

            I had toast with peanut butter for lunch.

            I took a siesta in the early afternoon and slept for almost an hour longer than usual. Maybe its because of the naproxen that I’ve been taking, although it doesn’t make me groggy.

            In the afternoon I did my exercises while listening to Amos and Andy. This story begins as many do with an argument between Kingfish and Sapphire. He tells her that he should have married Florence Baxter. She says he’s always bringing up Florence Baxter although she’s never been mentioned before in any argument on all the years of the show. Suddenly Kingfish receives a telegram from Florence saying she’s coming for a visit to New York from Georgia because an aunt she’d never heard of sent her the money. Kingfish fantasizes about how heavenly life would have been if he’d married Florence. But he is also worried that he will be tempted away from Sapphire and he does not want to leave her. Florence arrives but she is no longer the sweet girl that Kingfish remembers. She is loud, aggressive and obnoxious. The next day Kingfish fully appreciates everything about Sapphire that he’d previously complained about. Sapphire tells him that she knew that once Kingfish saw Florence he would stop dreaming about her. She confesses that she was the “aunt” that sent Florence the money to come and visit.

            I thought about taking a bike ride but it started raining, and besides I had writing to catch up on.

            For dinner I had a fried egg with naan and a beer while watching two more episodes of the 1959 game show Take a Good Look, starring Ernie Kovacs.

            The first one was from November 26, 1959 and the panellists were Cesar Romero, Anne Jeffreys and Hans Conried.

            The opening segment shows Peggy Connelly staring a hand mirror and appreciating her own beauty. Ernie comes to her, pushes the mirror aside and kisses her. He stops to look at the camera, says, “This has nothing to do with the show” and then returns to kissing her. Ernie’s wife was in Chicago at the time and he says he hopes she didn’t see the opening. When next she is on the show, two weeks later, she complains about the kiss.

            The first guest is Mrs Carole Ziegler, the first official female referee in basketball.

            The first clue shows Ernie as a nearsighted professional baseball player doing a shaving commercial while not being able to read the cue cards very well. He says he believes in clean living but the door of the locker accidentally opens showing a locker full of booze. In the second locker is Peggy Connelly wearing tight, shiny clothes and holding a champagne glass.

            Anne guesses that the event took place in the last couple of weeks.

            In the second clue a man with a judge’s wig and robe rides a bicycle pushing a courtroom bench. He stops in front of the panel and declares that the plaintiff acted in a manner becoming a lady. He hammers the block and rules her not guilty.

            The third clue has Peggy Connelly come out in a slinky evening gown with long gloves, carrying under each arm two bushel baskets.

            The panel can’t guess and so Carole wins $300.

            Cesar and Hans argue about how the clues were no help. Ernie explains that the first established that it was about sports, the second about judging and the third about basketball.

            The second guest comes out.

            The first clue shows Ernie as a French officer speaking a comical made up French language. He pins a medal on a soldier and gives him the two traditional cheek kisses. The next soldier is Peggy Connelly. He pins the medal, gives the two cheek kisses but then they mouth kiss. Then he pins another medal on her and they kiss again. Then she pins a medal on him and they kiss. Then he pours all of the medals he’s carrying into her pocket and they finish with a super kiss.

            Hans guesses that the event occurred in the last year. Ernie cuts in and gives Hans that it was last week.

            Cesar guesses that it happened in the east in New Jersey and that the guest is Mr Gudmondson who stopped a runaway train with his own locomotive.

            Ernie insists that the panel sees the second clue anyway. It shows Peggy as a bride walking to the wedding march when the train of her dress detaches and runs away.

            Gudmondson was pulling another train and was told to detach his engine from it and to get in front of the other train so as to go just fast enough to catch it behind him without it crashing and to gradually slow it down to a stop.

            The third guest is Joseph Meany Jr. who served as the cabin boy on the second Mayflower.

            The first clue shows Ernie dressed as a Pilgrim and smoking a cigar underwater. There is a wooden sign with two arrows with the message “This away” for one arrow and “That away” for the other. On a blanket on a rock is Peggy Connelly dressed to look like an Indigenous woman with a headband and a feather and braids. She gives him a vase and he gives her money which she puts down her top as his hat floats away.

            Cesar guesses that water has something to do with the event.

            Anne asks if the guest won something under water. Ernie gives a victorious yell, jumps up and runs over smiling to kiss Anne on the forehead and then applauds. Then he goes back to his desk and says, “You’re completely wrong.”

            The second clue has a chicken eating out of a cigar box.

            Cesar guesses that this happened on Plymouth Rock.

            Anne guesses that he was in some pageant connected with Plymouth Rock.

            The panel doesn’t guess and so Joe wins $300.

            The second game, from December 3, 1959 begins with Peggy Connelly coming out in gold lame pants and high heels. She does a headstand and goes into something like the lotus posture and then Ernie comes out to lean on her and welcome everyone.

            The panellists this time are Mervyn Le Roy, Anne Jeffreys, and Hans Conried.

            Ernie mentions that Mervyn Le Roy is directing a picture in which he is starring, called Wake Me When it’s Over. He mentions that Le Roy also directed, Little Cesar, The Wizard of Oz, No Time for Sergeants and Tugboat Annie.

            The first guest is Mrs Renae Parker, who recently spent her two week honeymoon in a sealed atom bomb shelter.

            The first clue depicts the scene from Cyrano DeBergerac in which Cyrano is coaching Christian as he recites words of love to Roxanne on her balcony. Cyrano is lamenting that he has such a grotesque nose but ten Christian turns to show that he has the same long nose.

            Anne guesses that this happened in the last week in Los Angeles.

            The second clue shows Ernie kissing Peggy. There is an explosion and then we see they are still kissing but while blackened and bandaged.

            Hans guesses that the guest was recently married and there was something unusual about the nuptials.

            The third clue has Brent Parker arrive with a bag of groceries. He kisses his wife and joins her at Ernie’s desk.

            The panel loses the game and Mrs Parker wins $300.

            We see film footage of the fallout shelter in which the couple were interned after their wedding reception. There was a phone for emergencies only. They had a very good food supply for two weeks. The door was locked from outside for two weeks. They were testing the shelter for civil defence.

            The third guest is a woman and Ernie decides not to let the audience know who she is.

            The first clue has an easel with a drawing pad. Ernie draws a refrigerator and then opens the door as real ice cubes come tumbling out.

            Anne guesses that this happened in the last week.

            Hans begins, “Riding in on this hyperborean blast …” Ernie interrupts him and says, “Hyperborean blast? You know there are kids that watch this show buddy?”

            The second clue has Ernie in a garden where there is a statue of a beautiful woman. He walks past it but she taps him on the shoulder and beckons him to her.

            Mervyn guesses that the guest was handed a painting.

            Anne guesses that this has to do with the art collection that was recently discovered in Pasadena.

            The guest is Mrs Maria Halterburger who found that the paintings in her attic were worth millions of dollars.

            Hans and Anne protest the clue withy the ice cubes. A frustrated Ernie explains that he created art that came to life.

            Some of the paintings are shown: La Maddalena by Michelangelo Caravaggio, St Cecilia by Andrea Vacarro, another by Luco Giordano, and a signed painting by Rafael worth $1.5 million.

            I can’t find any references to this find and so maybe it turned out they were not authentic masterpieces after all.

            Anne Jeffrey’s started out as a soprano for the New York Municipal Opera Company. She played Tess Trueheart in the Dick Tracy series. She starred in the sitcom Topper from 1953 to 1955. She played David Hasselhoff’s mother on Baywatch.

            Hans Conried was the voice of Snidely Whiplash in the Dudley Doright cartoons. He played Captain Hook in the 1953 film of Peter Pan and Danny Thomas’s Uncle Tonoose on Make Room for Daddy.