Kissing Cousins

            On Saturday morning I memorized the fifth verse of "Arthur, où t'as mis le corps" (Arthur, Where'd You Put The Corpse?) by Boris Vian and the second verse of “Mangos” by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I weighed 87.1 kilos before breakfast. 

            In the late morning I headed out to the supermarket, but just south of Queen I realized that I'd forgotten my mask and so I headed home. I'd left the mask on the kitchen counter because I'd planned on running a lint roller over it but it had slipped my mind. I did that and headed down to No Frills. 

            The grapes were all soft and so I just bought three bags of navel oranges. I also got a half pint of blueberries, a loaf of cinnamon-raisin bread, a bottle of blackberry-blueberry drink, Thai sweet chili sauce, a bottle of extra virgin olive oil, two containers of Greek yogurt, and one of skyr. 

            The middle-aged cashier with the pierced eyebrow and nose was super friendly today. I asked her if they had any of the black recyclable bags and she told me they didn't right now are having production issues. 

            When I got home, after putting my food away I was walking from the kitchen to the living room and drove a sliver into my right foot through my sock. I pulled it out and I think I got it all but my foot was really in pain for a while with my toes twisting tensely clockwise. It's been a couple of years since I picked up a sliver and last time it was a big one, the tip of which broke off inside my foot and didn't come out for a few weeks. 

            I typed about half the hand-written notes I'd made about the use of the kinship of “cousins” in “The Ballad of the Sad Cafe” and “What You Pawn I Will Redeem.” 

            I weighed 88.1 kilos before lunch. I had saltines with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of fruit punch. 

            At about 15:50 I left for my bike ride. I rode to Yonge and Bloor and down Yonge. I turned my flashers on at King before heading west. I weighed 87.2 kilos when I got home. 

            I finished typing my handwritten notes on the use of cousins in those two stories and then I started expanding on what I'd written, organizing it, and researching some of the ideas. There are some interesting cousin relationships that I had to figure out. The children of half sisters would be half cousins. And so in “The Ballad of the Sad Café”, Cousin Lymon, the relative that Miss Amelia treats like a surrogate son is her half-cousin. It is also mentioned that Amelia has a double first cousin that she does not get along with and they spit on the road when they see one another. Double first cousins would result if my daughter's mother's sister had a child with my brother. Double first cousins have the same genetic relationship as half siblings, which are four times as related as half cousins. 

            I made two chicken burgers and had one between two halves of a slice of bread with ketchup, mustard, and chili sauce. I ate it with a beer while watching an episode of Gomer Pyle. 

            In this story, Carol Burnett returns as Carol Barnes, only now she is no longer Corporal but rather Sergeant Barnes. She is now in charge of organizing talent shows for the Marines and is putting one on at Camp Henderson in which she wants Gomer to sing. Gomer is all for it but she has to convince Sergeant Carter to release Gomer from other duties. But Carter refuses because an inspection is coming up and he needs every man to prepare. Carol and Carter clash, resulting in no solution. But Carol tells Gomer that Carter said it was okay and so he starts rehearsing. But Carter catches him singing and brings him a shovel. Another argument between Carol and Carter ensues and Carol once again deceives Gomer that the situation has been resolved and that Gomer can rehearse. But Carter catches him again and puts him back to work. Finally, Gomer advises Carol that two sergeants are not going to do anything but clash and suggests that she approach him as a woman. She puts on a red dress and goes to his office where she flatters and charms him into agreeing to let her use Gomer. Carter even comes to work the curtains. Gomer sings the clown number from Pagliacci and then he and Carol do a long duet consisting of rounds and of songs sung in counterpoint. The beginning joke is that Gomer can't sing a round at first because he keeps falling in with Carol's lines, so he puts his fingers in his ears and steps further away. Once he gets started there's no problem until he comically does it again near the end.