Maureen Arthur

            On Thursday morning I memorized the chorus and the fourth verse of “Belinda” by Serge Gainsbourg. There's only one more verse to memorize and the rest of the song is basically repetition and so I should have it nailed down tomorrow. 

            I weighed 89.1 kilos before breakfast. 

            I spent an hour reading William Faulkner's As I Lay Dying. The team of mules died when they tried to get the wagon and the coffin with Addie inside across the river. Cash broke his leg again. Jewel let Anse sell his beloved horse to buy another team. They stopped in a town to buy cement for Cash's leg and the marshal told them to leave because the corpse had been dead for eight days and people could smell it a kilometer away. Buzzards were following the wagon. I've got about thirty-five pages left. 

            I tried to work on my Shakespeare essay at around noon but I'd been up since 5:00 and my brain was too tired for that kind of work. So I read some more of As I Lay Dying. They spent the night on someone's farm with the coffin in the wagon in the barn. But that night the barn caught fire and Jewel saved the animals before rescuing the coffin. Later they find out it was Darl who set the barn on fire. They make it to Jefferson, borrow two shovels, and finally bury Addie after nine days of carrying her rotting body around. As soon as they are finished the men come to take Darl away to the insane asylum.

            I weighed 87.8 kilos before lunch. I read a little more of As I Lay Dying. After they bury Addie, while they are still in town, Dewey Delle goes to the drug store to try to buy something to take away the female problem in her belly. The word “pregnant” is not used. The pharmacy attendant decides to take advantage of her by pretending to be a doctor and taking her down in the basement for a “special treatment.” I had seven pages left. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor. On the way home I stopped at Freshco where the red grapes were on sale but they were all soft. Instead, I bought ten Macintosh apples and a mini watermelon. I also got two half-pints of blueberries, a bag of kettle chips, some five-year-old cheddar, three bags of milk, three jars of unsweetened apple sauce, two containers of Greek yogourt, and one of skyr. I had to ride home with my flashers on. I weighed 87.5 kilos when I got back. 

            I worked a couple of hours on my Autolycus essay. 

            I cut a whole chicken into legs, breasts, wings, and the spine. I coated the pieces with olive oil, salt, and paprika and grilled them in the oven. 

            I finished reading As I Lay Dying. Anse takes Dewey Delle's $10, gets a new set of teeth, and gets married to a woman with a gramophone. 

            I had a chicken leg and a potato with gravy while watching an episode of Gomer Pyle. 

            In this story, Friendly Freddy returns and says he now has a computer dating service. Gomer tells Lou Ann about it and she thinks it would be fun for him to fill out the form and find out what kind of woman the computer would match him with. Gomer reluctantly does as Lou Ann suggests and takes the form to Freddy's office. Freddy says he will feed Gomer's information to the computer and goes behind a curtain. But behind the curtain, there is no computer but just a woman who reads Gomer's information and then assumes the role of his perfect match. She puts on a yellow dress because it's Gomer's favourite colour and leaves through the back door to come in through the front to make it look like a coincidence that Gomer's perfect match has shown up at that moment. She pretends to be Ellie Hofstadter from North Carolina and Freddy suggests they go for lunch. Later when Gomer tells Lou Ann about it she is upset that Gomer and Ellie have so much in common. Even though Gomer doesn't want to, Lou Ann insists that Gomer see Ellie again to find out for certain if she is his perfect match. Gomer goes to Sergeant Carter with his problem. Carter tells Gomer he's been scammed and he goes to expose Freddy by filling out his own form. Freddy once again pretends to run it through the computer and fixes Carter up with the same woman, this time calling herself Babe from Wichita. Carter begins dating Babe and tells Gomer he should go on a date with Ellie. Freddy tells Ellie/Babe she's going to have to go out with both men and so she arranges to meet them in a big restaurant. She sits on the terrace with Carter and at a table with Gomer. But while going between tables she runs into Duke whom it turns out she was also matched with, this time as a Hungarian named Magda. But later Duke sees Magda with Gomer and so does Carter. Carter and Duke corner Freddy and carry him out while Gomer repeats, “Shame, shame, shame!” 

            Ellie was played by Maureen Arthur, who co-starred as Hedy LaRue in both the Broadway and film versions of “How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.” She also co-starred in “The Love God?” and “How To Commit Marriage.” She recorded a couple of singles that did not chart. In 1969 when this episode of Gomer Pyle aired she was the future wife of Aaron Ruben, the producer of “Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C.” They were married from 1971 until 2010 when he died. She won a Drama Critics Award for her performance in a revival of “Guys and Dolls.”