Leigh French

            On Friday morning I memorized the first verse of “Mangos” by Serge Gainsbourg and made some adjustments to my translation of the song. 

            I weighed 87.5 kilos before breakfast. 

            The pest control technician was scheduled to come today before 13:00. David was supposed to put his key under my door before he left for work but he didn't. I didn't do much preparation because I hadn't seen a bedbug in three weeks. I moved my bedding to the kitchen and cleared off the living room couch. I flipped the frame on its end. I did a search for bedbugs around the baseboards and walls but found none. I think putting tape over the electrical outlet is what did the trick. 

            Steve from Orkin came at around 11:00. He asked if the guy in number seven was home. I said he hadn't left me his key but I went upstairs and found David's door open. I knocked and told him that Orkin was downstairs and they'd be up soon. Steve checked my bedroom and the bed and found no traces of bedbugs. 

           While he was putting down some dust in the bedroom and living room I asked him about the anti-bedbug pill and he said he'd heard they have it in the States. I commented that I thought it might be dangerous. He said that it's not a poison but it just makes one's blood unattractive. He said it's similar to the anti-flea pills that they give to dogs. It doesn't hurt the dogs but it just makes fleas not want to bite them. 

            I asked if they could ever come up with a trap for bedbugs. He said they have a cone that simulates the CO2 that humans exhale. I had thought that they could actually smell blood but it's the carbon dioxide they go for. I asked why bedbugs only go for humans then. He explained that it's because humans are furless and bedbugs are flat. If someone had a hairless dog or cat then bedbugs would feed on them. He said bedbugs were originally bat bugs because bats have very short fur that does not inhibit the bugs from accessing their blood. Everything seems to come from bats. 

            When Steve left I said, “Nothing personal, but I hope I don't see you again here.” He understood. 

            I flash-read the rest of the reading material for my US literature course, except for the poem “Weather” which I read twice. “Weather” is the most current piece and it deals with both the pandemic and the George Floyd killing. 

            I read “The Semplica Girl Diaries” which reads like it was written by Tarzan or The Hulk, but I totally missed the meaning of SGs in the story. I only found out from another source that SGs are living women from poor countries who sign themselves off to be linked together as lawn ornaments. Obviously, it's speculative fiction. 

            I read “What You Pawn I Will Redeem” by Sherman Alexie. It's about an indigenous guy named Jackson who recognizes his grandmother's ceremonial costume in a pawn shop and wants to get it. The pawnbroker says he'll have to pay $1000 but he generously gives Jackson $20 to start him off as he goes out to make the rest. He spends the money on other things but he gets a scratch lottery ticket and wins $100. But he spends most of that on buying shots for people in a Native bar. Various other things happen resulting from no effort to raise the money and finally he goes back to the pawnshop with only $5 and for some inexplicable reason the pawnbroker thinks he's put in the effort and gives him the costume. It's obviously an urban fairy tale. 

            Not that I think he should have been but I'm very curious why Sherman Alexie did not get canceled by U of T for the sexual harassment allegations lodged against him a few years ago. He was canceled by a lot of organizations. Something similar got Gregg Frankson banned from every major poetry reading series and slam event in North America. The difference might be that Alexie admitted to what he was accused of and apologized whereas Frankson denied having done anything wrong. 

            I read “The Third and Final Continent” about someone from India living in a rooming house and befriending his elderly landlady. 

            I weighed 87.1 kilos before lunch.

            Having finally finished the reading for US Lit I looked at the essay topics. I think I'll write on kinship and compare the way the concept of “cousins” is used in “The Ballad of the Sad Cafe” and “What You Pawn I Will Redeem.” 

            I took a siesta and ended up sleeping an extra half hour and so I didn't leave for my bike ride until 16:18. It was dark by the time I got to Yonge and Bloor and so I had to put the flashers on. 

            I coated four pork chops in olive oil, salt and paprika and grilled them in the oven. There were two more pork chops that wouldn't fit on the grill and so I fried them in the frying pan with olive oil, soy sauce, hot sauce, garlic, and honey. I added more broth to the gravy I made yesterday because it was too thick. 

            I read “What You Pawn I Will Redeem” fully a second time instead of flash reading it since I want to write about it in my essay. 

            I weighed 86.8 kilos at 17:45. 

            I had a potato with gravy and one of the pan-fried pork chops while watching an episode of Gomer Pyle. 

            This was a story that I remembered from when I was fourteen. The base is on war manoeuvres and Carter's platoon is up against another. Carter does not want any screw-ups and so he gives Gomer what he considers the safest job possible. He is to paint the mobile command truck with green, brown, and grey camouflage paint. But while he is working, three hippies named Michele, Geordie, and Moondog come up to ask him what he is doing. They sit down and talk and invite him to share their celery, oranges, and sunflower seeds. They like the name “Gomer” but think “Pyle” is ugly and so Michele changes his last name to Greensleeves. They all sing Bob Dylan's “Blowing In The Wind” together with Gomer of course getting a solo. When Gomer realizes he has used up a lot of work time the hippies offer to help him. They paint one side of the truck while he's finishing the other. But they painted their side with bright colours and daisies. Gomer says it's wrong but it's too late to change it. Gomer goes back to the base but later comes back with Carter who wants to check what kind of job Gomer has done. But when they get there the truck is gone. Gomer later finds it about a kilometre away and the hippies have been sleeping in it. They explain they had to move it because it was on top of some daisies. When the colonel comes looking for the truck he's asking Carter to explain where it is. While Carter is fumbling for an explanation a lieutenant informs Colonel Grey that the area was captured by the red team an hour before. The colonel thinks Carter anticipated that and moved the truck. Then the truck arrives looking like a hippy wagon the colonel thinks Carter is a genius to have come up with such a clever camouflage. 

            Michele was played by Leigh French, who was a member of The Committee improv troupe in San Francisco in the 1960s. She worked not only as an actor but also in the sound department for several films. She was a regular on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour on which she did a segment called “Share A Little Tea With Goldie” in which she played a very ditzy and stoned hippy. She played Goober Pyle's sister in the pilot for the series “Goober and the Trucker's Paradise” but it was not picked up. 

            Geordie was played by Christopher Ross, who worked as a writer on the one-time only Mama Cass Television Program special. He died a year after this episode aired. 

            Moondog was played by future TV star and film director Rob Reiner. 

            I hand-wrote a few pages in stream of consciousness with the idea of “cousins” in mind in relation to “The Ballad of the Sad Cafe” and “What You Pawn I Will Redeem.” I'll type them up tomorrow and use them as the start of my US Lit essay.