Beautiful Lies

            On Thursday morning I finished memorizing “Calypso Blues” by Boris Vian. I did an initial search for the chords but none showed up. They may be there under the alternative title for the song “J'ai trop de boulot' (I've Too Much Labour). I'll try again tomorrow. 

            I worked out the chords for the chorus of “Ciel de plomb” (The Sky is Leaden) by Serge Gainsbourg. The rest of the song should fall into place now. 

            I weighed 88.9 kilos before breakfast. 

            Today was laundry day, so in the late morning I headed over to the laundromat. While my stuff was in the washer I rode to Freshco where I bought eight bags of green grapes, a pint of strawberries, a half pint of raspberries, kettle chips, canned peaches, Greek yogourt, a jar of honey and a box of spoon size shredded wheat. 

            I weighed 88.5 kilos before lunch. I had kettle chips, salsa and yogourt. 

            I got the mark back for my final Brit Lit 2 essay and I got an A. My TA, Carson Hammond’s main comment was:

            “In this well-written essay, you deconstruct Eliot's theory of literary realism by way of a compelling and provocative engagement with Wildean aesthetics. Throughout, you make some really insightful points about both critics in a manner that nicely brings together a more abstract discussion about literary representation with a concrete analysis of inter-class relations. As I point out in my marginal notes, much of what you are criticizing Eliot for remains highly relevant to our own time, as I'm sure you've considered: I detect among many of our own middle-class professions a similarly veiled contempt for the subjects of their paternalistic sympathies. Although there were certain moments where I think your argument would have been strengthened by the inclusion of more direct quotation from the texts at hand (instead of just paraphrase plus page number), on the whole this is excellent. Well done, Christian, and thank you for all of your thoughtful contributions to our class. Best of luck with everything ahead!” 

            I worked on my poem series, “My Blood in a Bug”. 

            I weighed 88.5 kilos at 17:50. 

            I went through my James Brown discography and deleted 175 of the songs, mostly the love songs and kept a lot of the funky stuff. 

            I colourized some more of my black and white skateboarder photo. 

            I digitally corrected some of the flaws on a 1987 photo of my ex-girlfriend Brenda. 

            I cooked in the oven the frozen chicken tenders that I’d gotten from the food bank a few months ago and had three with a potato and gravy. 

            I watched the first two episodes of the fifth season of The Andy Griffith Show. In the first story Opie’s teacher Helen Crump is teaching US history through traditional folk dances. One day when Opie’s partner is at the dentist Helen takes her place and Opie falls in love with her. He tells his father that he likes a girl who’s older than he is but won’t tell him who it is. Andy thinks the girl must be just a little bit older and he tells him that it’s all right. But when Opie spends 80 cents on a pair of silk stockings he tells him it’s not really appropriate and he'd rather he take them back. Then Opie asks Barney's advice and he says to read her poetry over the phone. Opie calls up Helen and recites a love poem that Barney is dictating to him. Helen tells Opie to come over right away. When Barney realizes it’s Helen Opie likes he's embarrassed about the poem. He tells Andy and Andy goes over to Helen's. Andy explains to Opie that Helen is his girl and Opie says he didn’t know that and wouldn't have done anything if he had. He asks if they are going to get married some day and Andy says that maybe they will. Opie says as long as she’s in the family he doesn’t care if she's his wife or his mother. 

            In the second story it’s Barney's fifth anniversary as a deputy and Aunt Bee, Thelma Lou, Floyd, Opie and Andy throw a surprise party for him. But earlier that day Andy got the bad news that the sheriff’s offices have been switched to the Civil Service and that from now on there will be a height and weight requirement for deputies. Barney falls short on both counts and so Andy comes up with a scheme. Aunt Bee is fattening Barney up with heavy meals and he has to spend three hours a day dangling from a neck harness to make himself taller. He gets the extra height he needs but then gets the hiccoughs and can’t eat. Andy gets around it when he reads that the deputy is allowed to wear his name tag on a chain under his shirt during the physical. He puts his tags on a very heavy chain and Barney passes the weight requirement.