Pamela McMyler

            On Sunday morning I memorized the first verse of “Poupée Poupée” (Dolly Dolly) by Serge Gainsbourg and made some adjustments to my translation to fit the rhyme and meaning better. The speaker is complaining that the “Dolly” won't let him into her dollhouse so he's going to trash it. 

            I weighed 87.8 kilos before breakfast. 

            I put away all the bedding that has been sitting in bags in the kitchen for the last few months when I was seeing the occasional bedbug. I also put away the rest of my CDs that I'd also put in the kitchen when I was clearing the bookshelf for the exterminator. But I was still stuck with three garbage bags full of beer cans that have accumulated since before last Christmas. I couldn't return to my kitchen cleaning project until those bags were out of my way and so I looked online to see which Beer Stores are taking returns these days. I saw that the one at the Dufferin Mall would take them and so I packed up each of the three bags into PC shopping bags so they'd be easier to handle on the bike and struggled with them up almost to Bloor Street. But there was a sign on the Beer Store there that it would be closed until further notice. It would have been nice and appropriate if they'd put that information on the Beer Store website before I carted the cans all the way up there. I rode down Dufferin to Dundas and then east to Dovercourt hoping that the Beer Store there would take returns. But it turns out that Beer Store is gone forever and it's now the business office for condos that will be going up at that location. I continued east to Bathurst and rode north, looking for the Beer Store near Bloor but it wasn't there. I realized that the one I was looking for was actually further south and as I rode back down past College I realized I'd passed it on my way north. They don't have very many heavy-duty plastic boxes for holding the cans or bottles anymore. I was told to use the big plastic garbage cans. I filled up two with a hundred cans each and had three leftover. I think that's the most cans I've ever returned to the Beer Store. 

            When I got home I saw that what I'd hoped would take me half an hour had stretched out to almost two hours. I'd thought today would be a normal day but once again I was behind schedule. Tomorrow I won't be able to work on cleaning the kitchen either because I have to do laundry. I can't see anything getting in the way of me finishing cleaning the stove on Tuesday though. 

            I weighed 86.4 kilos before a late lunch. I had Breton crackers with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of herbal tea lemonade. 

            I had a late siesta. 

            I weighed 86.8 kilos at 17:45. 

            I got caught up on my journal a little after 18:00. 

            I downloaded the film “Un Chien Andalou” by Luis Bunuel and Salvador Dali and imported it into my Movie Maker project of making a video for my song “Instructions For Electroshock Therapy.” I edited out everything but the razor scene. There's still a bit of the eye splitting part but I'll shave that off tomorrow. Somehow the audio of my song got moved to later in the timeline and so I had to slide it back to the beginning. 

            I worked on the poem “Monsters In The Dark” for my series “My Blood In A Bug.” 

            I returned to editing my “Anti Gravity's Rainbow” photo. 

            I made pizza on naan with Sorrentese sauce, french fries, hot pepperoni and extra old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching the last two episodes of the first season of The Addams Family. 

            In the first story Lurch's playing rock and roll on the harpsichord while grunting incomprehensibly catches the attention of a record executive named Mizzie Bickle and his assistant Gloria. They record Lurch and overnight he becomes a teen idol. Fans begin to gather outside the Addams home and Lurch begins to be swayed by his own fame. He neglects his duties and so Fester takes over the cooking. He's trying a recipe in the kitchen from a book he found that requires eye of newt and toe of frog along with some other ingredients. Morticia points out that it's not a recipe but the lines of the three witches in Macbeth. Fester says, “That Shakespeare was a real gourmet!” Bickle says Lurch needs to go on a world tour. Lurch gets ready to go and leaves but seconds later he returns because he doesn't want to go. 

            One of Lurch's fans was played by Pamela McMyler, who co-starred in Steven Spielberg's first movie “Amblin” and in the John Wayne film “Chisum.” 

            In the second story Fester reads an article by a psychologist named Chalon who says couples that don't fight are in a doomed relationship. Fester is suddenly very worried about Morticia and Gomez because they get along so well. He and Mama, Lurch, and Thing plot to sabotage their marriage so they will fight. But no matter what they try to make Morticia or Gomez think the other is against them they just become even closer. Finally, Fester goes to Chalon and asks him to come to the house. Once he learns that Morticia is beautiful he agrees to visit. He begins to flirt with Morticia and so Gomez challenges him to a duel. The problem is that Chalon is the greatest swordsman in France and Gomez is horrible. Fester tries to stop the duel by bending Gomez's sword in three places but Gomez thinks that makes it a better sword. Then Fester breaks Gomez's right wrist but Gomez just switches to his left hand and suddenly realizes that he's been left handed all along. When Chalon notices that Gomez is willing to sacrifice himself for Morticia he realizes he was wrong and that Morticia and Gomez really are the perfect couple. 

            Chalon was played by Lee Bergere who also appeared on the Munsters as a rival to Herman. He started out as an understudy to Danny Kaye on Broadway. He served in the US Army during WWII and was in charge of entertainment services for soldiers stationed in North Africa. He appeared in over 200 TV episodes. He played Joseph Anders on Dynasty and Justin Nash on Falcon Crest. He played Abraham Lincoln in “The Savage Curtain” episode of the original Star Trek. He co-starred on “Hot l Baltimore” as on of TV's first gay characters.